vintage lemon twist

no judgement

2012-02-04T16:37:00.000+07:00

I hear you

and there was no judgement.
no blaming. no point finger. no "what should you do". no "what you shouldn't do". no "you were right or you were wrong"

just a pat in the head. just understanding. just smile. just "I HEAR YOU"
and this tough season, only with pressure; the good juices may come out.
that good juice would definitely come out.

and this tough season, you'll come out as a winner.
for God is good. and faithful.

and there is no judgement
it's simply something we have to go through.

not A B C

2012-01-16T20:42:00.002+07:00

it's Kyoto 16 January 2012.

it's been 5 years since my first trip to Japan and things have taken so many different shape now. No. Not in the reality of Japan itself. Not in the way they function. It is just; the mind.

In a matter of fact, we human, are conditioned to certain bound and limits.
It's in the culture we live. The family we grew up. In things we see. We assume. We expect.
Sometimes we all live in the world of our mind and what's ordinary there is acceptable. While if it's not, it's not well recognized. And we clumsily trying to address.

It's like finding women in kimono. It's perceived as traditional and classic. But today, now and then, you'll find them around - with camera and mobile phones; driving cars and using macbook.
And sometimes we see what we expect to see. Just like tourist.
Because the classic Japan you see in the "tourist spot" is well-preserved that it feels authentic. However in a matter of fact, ordinary people live like ordinary people do. Wake up, go to work, ride the subway and go home.

Japan does not exist exactly the way your mind vision it. Like so many other things.
And when we find something new from the other side, sometimes we persist on what we thought- just because it's more familiar.

And i don't know which one is better. To have a culture that is well nurtured. Like the excellence attitude Japanese has at work- or appearance. A culture that is so polite and well-behaved; yet repressed inside. Or liberal choice like most Western have, being exposed to emotion and expression - yet could be wild and uncontrolled. Isn't it only be the best, if it's excellence and well nature by choice, a willingness and an understanding? And not by shame (of not doing so), peer pressure, a must or even "good habit" of doing so.

Life is not A B C anymore.
Not an exam our teacher can mark.

Not even an open-ended question. Cause it is like a creature that is alive.
And grow. Sometimes your old clothes would not fit your body anymore.
And even if they did by size, it may feel you look funny in them.

You'll understand when you start changing your wardrobe.

and i learn today - and maybe continuosly:
stress is inevitable. suffering is a choice.

- a snapshot from Beppu's mountain, covered with snow -

now

2012-01-09T23:26:00.000+07:00

don't age too fast.
don't get wise too early.

and get life back into perspective.

same thing, different year...really?

2012-01-01T00:06:00.000+07:00

2011 had finally melt away. time murdered its days, hours and seconds.
but the new has come. 2012 has arrived.

2011 was not easy for me. in a silence no one hears, i secretly cry in heavy-laden and fear.
but it taught me love and perseverance. it set me on higher ground even without me knowing.

however the thought came again like stinging bees- just before the celebration of 2012.
so i locked myself and meditate. i sang worship and praises - then i heard the sounds of fireworks.
i was about to ignore and consume my meditation when it whispered in my heart "Go to the roof and SEE"

i know as we grow older, things get repetitive and boring. the spirit of new year that you possessed as a kid, wore off as you grow up. some would even probably complain about the noises it would cause, while all you wish is to sleep soundly. i had to admit it was like that for me too. but we can choose to shut our ears with pillows and resist the noise...or you can embrace and be a part of it. And go to the rooftop!

so there i was, sitting on the rooftop. saw the fireworks banging from all corners of Bandung- wishing a happy new year. it was spectacular. from the nearest to the furthest my eyes can see, Bandung skies was full of fireworks. I got jumpy in my heart, and all my worries wore off. suddenly i KNOW "Things just about to get better and better. Things just about to get awesome!!"

so there i was, hugging myself like a little kid. the wind breezed. the fireworks danced. i wished i had a glass of wine on my hand (i did afterwards tho) and my beloved to accompany me. i wished for hugs and kisses. of plenty hopes and loves. and next year i'd reserve this one spot again.

then in the midst of all i saw the stars, shining brightly. they were kinda hidden behind the cloudy sky but for sure i can spot them.
suddenly i understand that in the cloudy night sky, the cloud hinders my view. but it doesn't mean the stars aren't there.
suddenly i understand that sometimes the lights of surrounding building blinds my sight. but it doesn't mean that the stars disappears.
sometimes in life, problems and situations block our way. discourages us. sometimes the comparison to people surround us makes us losing focus. and taken back.

there i was, sitting on the rooftop. enjoying the view. enjoying the sounds of fireworks that grew distant after 15mins. i sat. i prayed. i smiled.
yes all the worries and problems may come. i mean, they're definitely would come. i am just so good that they can't just sit around and do nothing on me. they just so eager to test me. and i don't pray that they'd go away.
i pray that i beat them away.

for right now i have peace. and i have joy. and my Lord is my giant rock.
and i'm gonna love some more.

Bring it on!

LOVE

2011-12-23T00:49:00.000+07:00

"If it's only me and him, i surely love him"
Personality wise, chemistry or everything between us is amazing, thus she says. But when you talk about relationship, it's not just about that 4 simple letters: love. It entangles with family, background, job, future, culture and all and all. And those,may lead to fear and doubt.

What if parents disagree? What if the job doesn't pay well? What if he had issues on alcohol before?
Cause you know, you can easily imagine doing life with that someone - if you don't have to deal with the issues surround. If you only have to think about you two.

Or aren't you familiar with the saying "Love doesn't pay your bill or fill your stomach" - a realistic approach to marriage and life together. With this statement, is it safe to say that love only is not enough? And that the power of love could be overrated?

Is it really that way though?
Think again.

Why do you think a husband work day and night? Why do you think someone forgive another for past mistakes? Why do you think you try hard to understand even if it's not your kinda thing?

Yes. Love does not pay the bill or fill your stomach.
Well, not directly anyway.
But that very same love gives you the purpose to do something. The strength to keep going. The spirit to make things happen.
You don't have money. So you work hard.
The parents disagree. So you work hard.
He did wrong. So you forgive.
It is the fuel that burn your car to move. So the car could go through the road. And so you could reach your destination.

We may think complicatedly. But a friend of mine, said in simple way
"I just love lho. I don't care how he loves me, but I, by grace, would just love lho. Cause indeed that's what i have, feel, and believe in" - when we talked about a certain way we women wished our men do.

Love enables. And perfect love chase away fear.

With all these things said, some say that financial could be the obstacle of love. Some others say "what about the temptation of new charming stranger?" Yes. Love has so many obstacles. Maybe because it is so powerful that it could change the world, that the evil tries to sabotage. But is financial and worries are the greatest obstacle of love?

Think again.
If love empowers people to fulfill their physical need (including financial)- why sometimes it still fails?
If love really enables you to fight on - why sometimes we give up?
Cause the next question arises "For HOW LONG?". Given this said, i believe the greatest test of love is TIME.
If someone temp you into an affair, most people won't give in on the first time. But would it prevail overtime?
Time, gives space for doubts. Time, grabs away energy. Just like a soccer match, if both team are great and it continues into sudden death- we'll see whose stamina last longer. Things would happen together with time. And the time would show who would stand and who would fall.
I want to stand one day and say like one great leader once told me:
"How does you show the world that what you have is real? It is only when it's been tested through time that they may know. When i was about to marry my wife, my mom told me to rethink cause we have nothing in common, except for our belief. And she prophesied that we'd fail. But now she said that it's impossible to separate us from one another and she can see our marriage works. Sure we have our differences, but I am proud to say that we stood against the test of time. And we'd keep doing it again and again" (married for 40+ years)

And let's believe that as much as scary a time could be, time is never against us. It is here FOR us. to prove to the world how genuine we are. Together with time, we gain. And suddenly we're wiser.
Just like good wine, the older it gets- the better.

And love, yes love. Is the greatest thing of all.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails.

inside a closet

2011-12-16T13:45:00.000+07:00

....i was hiding....

when i was a kid, i once cried and hid inside a small closet, second rack. curled my small body there between mom's clothes and fell asleep until mom found me.

i made tent out of blankets. i put it over ping pong table or an open cabinet. i would have my flashlight and pretending it was my house in the storyline i made.

i had this beautiful pink piece of cloth. a bit of lacy type. mom promised me to make a dress out of that piece (which never happened). i used to wrap it around my body in all possible ways and play princess in front of the mirror.

i played treasure hunts. in which my big bro would put a piece of suspicious letter on his table that would lead me to mystery hunt. i went around my house trying to find clue after clue to solve the mystery. later i did the same for my cousins and lil bro.

i used to play in my front yard where i pretend it was a sea. the lower ground is the sea- where we can't land our feet. we played catching game or story game there.

i played cooking too. with flowers and leaves.

i climbed the roof.

i watched my bro playing kite. i only play when it's already up high. and when i saw kitten or anything furry balls, i'd play with them.

i run barefooted in neighbourhood. and i caught butterflies all the time. after i look at them earnestly, then i'd release them again.

i used to play pretend when i was alone. like i was a rebel princess that refused to be engaged to stranger prince. i ran away to a village and work hard there that all villagers find favours in me. there i met a handsome and strong man, which i fell into that turn out to be the stranger prince i was engaged with. classic princess-y time. and some others storylines. *giddy*

i had my fairytale books i read all the time. also the adventure Lima Sekawan i grew up with.

i had a rack full of dolls i once collect during childhood. i didn't quite into teddy bears and i wanted all kind of animals like giraffes and ponies. i requested these and only now mom complained "why you didn't ask the easier (the usual cute) ones? Minta malah yang aneh-aneh" *chuckles*. While most of those i washed and gave away, i kept the giraffe and pony horse- as these were the ones that was hardest to find and gave troubles to my parent to get it. *chuckles*

i had first bicycle that was too big for my size back then. i lost a tooth in the learning process. *upps*

i had body-board i love so much. i would not go to beach without them. i once almost drown trying to help my baby brother to the shore (it was to deep for him; apparently for me too) in which a kind western ended up helping me out. i build sand castle too (yes, a veryyy cherry bad one)

i once drew in a wall before it was torn apart. also played with crayons and pencil colors every time i can.

i had a music box i love so much. collected shells and stamps.

i got excited on christmas. putting and dressing the tree. made the empty gift decoration. and sending xmas card. even now i still wrote myself postcard when i was away.

i grew up with all these. with pets. toys. dreams. imaginations. i taste. i see. i experience with my body and soul. i grew up knowing what is good and what is bad.

i grew up in so much beauty. and i'll do it all over again.

now i'm grown up. 170 tall. 56.5 big. it's hard to imagine fitting myself inside that closet. in fact i just stood in front of that very closet for 5mins just now...wondering...*haha*

and i'll make sure my kid grow up in such beauty too.

Indonesia mengajar

2011-12-14T23:06:00.000+07:00

Indonesia mengajar: to create future leaders of word level competence but with grass root understanding. Mendidik adalah tugas yang terdidik. Mari menjadi inspirasi, contoh dan sebarkan optimism. Indonesia, kita masih pejuang.

Dance with me. Flirt with me.

2011-12-10T19:19:00.001+07:00

Even though i have fat thighs, flabby arms, pot belly~ i still give good loving....
Dance with me. Flirt with me~ [Pot belly - Freshly Ground]

A lot of people remember Shakira from phenomenal "Waka Waka" world cup theme song. However behind that is also this infamous South African music group called Freshly Ground.

The first reason i picked "Pot Belly" music video is simply the unique name and lyric. Secondly is the red-green theme that is presented inside the video. It reminds us of the coming christmas. But it's only till the later part of video that i found the real beauty of this.

the girl was in love with green while the boy was obsessed with red. then one day they found out they're attracted to each other. later in stage, however, they found out how different their world is. they tried hard to fit in. but even if they try to, it just doesn't seem to be right.

There's time in life when differences make us wonder; even shaken. We try try and try to understand and compromise, but still it doesn't seem right. Some of others' pieces, idea or culture do not fit our world. Even just looking at that makes us tired.

Later on, these couple find courage to just tear their differences apart. She painted her house red- while he did the green makeover. It takes more than simple understanding but it's a willingness to accept. regardless what is and what is not. and change. for each other.

And in life we'll also see. Just focusing on your world, get you nowhere. half-hearted effort, make no effort. It's only until you put your all and embrace, you'd be able to break-free. and there you find the willingness and courage to change for someone, is a much greater power than the vice versa.

and suddenly everything is merged into a beautiful chrismas colors.

rebranding "less is more"

2011-12-05T21:23:00.001+07:00


back into our origins, into the future

I first encounter MUJI back in HK airport and immediately fell in love with the simple sophisticated look they presented. Bought notebook because it was "Made in Indonesia" too. I continuously amazed how the best of our production goes around the world but Indonesia.

Little did i know that the brand is rapidly growing across the globe. Very "less is more". Now they also have apps for iphone and other gadgets, covering MUJI to Go that comes with weather, calendar and travel tips. They come with a lot of interactive program (eg. like this "show your shelf") that connect people, utilizing the power of network such as fb and tweet.

Back in Shanghai Expo, i went to Japan Industrial Pavilion which presented numbers of big brands of Japan. I was surprised on how the interactive media and communication seriously make you drop your jaw. They paint in the room (using projector or whatever) and the visual was mind-blowing. As a marketer, however, i pin-point into the idea behind all the visual and audio. The message. The communication. It all relates with LIFESTYLE and MEANING of LIFE. They sell frickin soy sauce and the visual was a tree, that grew from seed to giant tree- across generation. It was frickin soy sauce!! They go beyond necessity. This is the dream of most inspired designers- i guess, to have such inspirational message behind media. To define. To give soul.

Nevertheless, Indonesia is a developing country. The ads we have is rather straightforward. Very necessity. That is if you target the major market (because high-end segment does exist here). But see the difference. Soy sauce is rather customer product, yet they inspire lifestyle to sell. Here, you'd gain more if you go with bold colours, loud voices, and exclaiming things like price or prizes. The smart designer/marketer is indeed the one who can grab the market, despite their idealism and standard. I find many designers hold on their idealism that they fail to face the challenges.

I am a fan of minimal and sophisticated design. Very chic. However, be wise. Be smart.
Know your product, your identity and your market. That is, if you want to sell.
And branding takes way lot than just design. Takes more than detailed plan.
It's consistency and persistence. Raising brand or company is like raising a kid.
9months of preparation. the long hour and heavy labor of launching product.
and we all know it does not end there.

time untangles some

2011-12-04T22:41:00.000+07:00

Ada masalah dalam hidup yang hanya dapat terselesaikan beriring jalanny sang waktu.
Doesn't matter how much you invest on thinking or preventing mistakes, some problems cm waktu yg bisa jawab.

Ibarat kamu meniti satu jalan dan berpikir tentang batu2 penghalang yg ada di depan. Atau persimpangan yang MUNGKIN akan km temui. Gimana klo km nabrak org, gmn kalo km salah jalan.
Kalau km diam dan merenung, selamanya pemandangan yg km liat akan sama. Dan km akan terus bertanya-tanya.
Jadi jawabanny sedernana, tetep aja jalan. Why worry buat apa yg ada di future yg km nga bisa predict or dikte.
Orang tahu itu.

Tapi seringkali kita lupa kalau untuk jalan, kita perlu waktu. Itu yang kita nga sabar.
Pikiran kita sudah lebih dekat dng tujuan dibanding raga kita- itulah yg sering terjadi. Padahal raga harus ditarik ke sana. Padahal waktu harus berlalu.

Dalam banyak hal km bakal ditanya "Kamu yakin?" Kamu yakin dengan pilihan kamu? Dengan pekerjaan kamu? Dengan kekasih kamu? Dan kalau kamu masuki detailnya, we'll meet with a lot of pros and contras. Always.
In a matter fact, siapa si yg bisa yakin? Kita meyakini Tuhan kasih yg terbaik- which indeed He was, is and will. Tapi rupany seperti apa, we'd never know.

Seiring kamu kerja, kamu bakal tahu. Seiring kamu jalanin hubungan km, km bakal tahu.
Banyak masalah akan terjawab sendiri seiring dengan waktu.
Skill yang kamu takut kamu nga punya, bakal keluar sejalan experience dan waktu yg km usahakan.
Itu semua di depan. Yg bisa sekarang cuma tdk menyerah, tabah dan berserah.

"Gimana klo aku fail?" adalah suatu pertanyaan yg otomatis hilang sendiri JIKA kamu berhasil.
Lalu bagaimana untuk berhasil?
Ya sekarang usahakan yang bisa diusahakan. Work hard and place hope.

Banyak masalah yg bakal hilang sendiri seiring waktu dan seiring kita bertambah usia. Bahkan mungkin problem tersebut nga akan pernah muncul.
Don't waste your effort worrying about these.
Instead work hard and place hope.

imagine

2011-12-03T00:32:00.000+07:00

just couple days ago, i had chance to be in Faisal Basri's 'sort-off' seminar.

the content was regarding indonesian prospect in 2012. despite the news we got in media, on the paper Indonesia makes such a great economic growth in 2011. The inflation rate was minimum to 5% and while most countries experience dis-growth, Indonesia stays strong with 4.5% growth.

I know that Indonesia has been a great interest for foreign investor to place (and grow) money trees, i never expect that it's 'that' positive. Roubini and Jim O'Neil (both foreign economic experts) also said that it's time to see Indonesia (the new 'trend' after China and India's blooming). It's predicted in 2020 Indonesia would make it to the top 10 GDP in the world (yes, in the world!) and no 6th in 2030. Woohoo!

We also gain advantage of the demographic as in these years (up to 2050) we'd be like Japan in 1950 when the dependency rate is low as we have majority of population on working strata. While on the other hand, a lot of developed countries like US, Aust, Japan would suffer from baby bloomer (older generation who cannot work = more due to current trend of modern society that think twice to have babies).

Tho Indonesia is growing economically, this is mostly due to world's situation that gives advantage to us (instead of our own power to raise the growth rate). eg, our commodity is raw materials that's more essential. this doesn't change demand in global market while maybe korea suffered more as their commodity are technological stuff that'd be put as later priority in crisis situation.

Well fact is Indonesia's market is HUGE. You can sell almost everything from one dime crap to superbly incomprehensible expensive goods. The investment rate keeps growing, also supported by the high rate of domestic consumption. The money keeps running around in the market. It's a hard fact. but whether it felt all across the level, i highly doubt it. At the end we just have to seize opportunity and work hard.

Sitting there with him right in front my table, makes me feel like yr1 sem2 student all over again; studying macroeconomic! Talking inflexible demand etc. Analyzing Greece and Europe's situation etc. So much fun!!

Well anyway. LET'S WORK HARD!

born princess

2011-12-03T00:09:00.000+07:00

i want balloons. i want bubbles.
i want candies. and thousand of candles.
i want to wake up with soft sunlight on my face. with faint smell of fresh grounded coffee and fresh baked cookies.

i want to chase rainbows. and collect stars.
dance on clouds.
dressed in love.
and when i step over the grassland field, i make traces of diamond dust

i shall swoon over the romantic raindrops. and fight like thunderbolt.
i want romance. i want adventure. i want fairytales~

wait! i live in one!!! *chuckles*
once princess, forever is.

defense

2011-11-27T21:14:00.000+07:00

This guy i know was in love with a spirit-free girl. She was different, he explained. Day to day they became close and finally after gaining all the courage, he confessed. This girl replied:

"I like you to. You're fun to be with. I don't mind going out. But i have to tell you that if i find someone better, i'd leave you."

Yes, the bomb has been planted. And I was left speechless. It happened long way back and i never knew the end of the result or whether they ever going out. He was madly in love with her and he was confused.

Many of you would probably responded the way i did "Are you sure she's worth it?" That's the mind talking. But in the face of love, sometimes it doesn't even matter how worthy someone is- you could just love him/her. If he followed the mind, most likely he would decline the proposal. If he followed the heart, he probably accept it hoping and try hard that she'd eventually can only see him. Is it really the gamble to play though?

The fact is we all have defense mechanism. Knowing the other party's thought plainly like that, make you put your armor up. It's not even about worthiness or gamble anymore cause you'd be busy protecting yourself of not being hurt. And somehow, without you knowing, you'd hold yourself to give your all. to give your best.

What she said sounded rude, well it is rude and egoistic. But a great mirror of what's really happening inside people's heart. We often confused on whether we're making the right decision or so. Worried if he's the one or is it the next. She want both possibilities. No gamble. It was a safe plan for her. Another girl i know told me that if some guy approach me, i should try it out. Then she said that usually the first one is the best, and it'd continue degrade from that point. She said she missed a lot of that chances. I laughed, saying that the reason the "missed chance" looked better is because you never really know what is to date them. Even it's safe to say, you only know the "goody goody part" of them as they were chasing you.

I knew a lot of guys in relationship also wonder if they made the right choice, especially if they encountered 'someone else' later on. "What if someone else comes along?". And i know a lot of singles also wonder if they made the wrong choice when they reject someone. "What if someone else never comes along?" Admit it, it's just real. We all want the best. But know we all decide. And once we decide, what's the use of lingering on the other option we did not take. Step forward.

But as i said, the girl in this story would probably never get the best of my friend. Cause my friend would protect his heart from getting broken, consciously or non. But at least it's better than leaving him hanging.

The word "best" derived from "good" which is the adjective. It's the most of "good". Find someone good- that's the basic. And now it is the process between you both that may determine whether it'd be better- then best; or not. A 'best' thing is built- it doesn't come like blinking an eye. If you can't be the best for your partner, don't expect they'd be the best for you.

tone of your voices

2011-11-17T13:07:00.001+07:00

"It's not about what you say!!!! It's the way you say it!!!" Familiar?

most of the time it's not only about the content, but the way you say it. even the tone and expression you put when you say it.

"Yea great" can be such a compliment as much as can it sounds like a mocking.

Once i saw Jerry Seiffield on a stand up comedy, saying (more or less)
"I never knew that after my marriage, we'd start to argue about 'tone of my voice'. Apparently when we were dating she heard me in one or two octave higher which i did cause i was trying to get her affection. So now, when i speak with my normal; lower tone, she said "Don't you dare to speak to me with that tone!"
The audience laughed hard. Well, i can relate....

I don't know about men, but women certainly notice "tones".

A friend told me that she was totally fine with following the culture of bf's fam. But when he asked her "You'll do it, right?"- she's taken back, re-thinking. Yes, just because he said it that way...in certain tone...

Well the thing to everything is "appreciation" i guess. Speak with appreciation and see where it gets you.

we.

2011-11-10T00:18:00.002+07:00

suddenly i remember darling harbour 2006
sat there drinking Starbucks and shared stories with friends

things kinda take different shape from then

we graduated. some work. some study again.
some in relationship. some broke up. some got married.

one great friend said "i can't believe that now i went back from work, hang out for pool game and drank beer" *laughter*

there's a lot of mature conversation too. even "sex and the city" speaks to me louder.
finally found the link that makes all the drama, drama. *chuckles*

you start to gain "something to lose".
and suddenly you're more grounded. for better or for worse.

we all come from different backgrounds. facing different challenges. maybe even heading different directions.

my fight is sometimes cold and icy for me. no friend i'm close with that kinda stepping the similar ways i took. no one can sympathize well so far. sometimes i just want to work with people my age. have the beer talk and done with my job when i'm out of my office. here my stance could decide a lot of people's stance. heavy burden for small me. and my pressure is no ordinary.
i can ramble more and more. but i'm not here to complain.

cause you see? some of you have some job issues to resolve. some has to prove to their boss how capable they are. some got blamed. some struggle finding good friends in company. some stuggle with money to start up. or sometimes the job just sucks. and so on...

maybe we all just trusted for something bigger than we thought, or dare to imagine.
something we never see. never hear. never think. or never desire in our heart.

we all come from different backgrounds. facing different challenges.
but we all cry. laugh. mingle. share. step on. walk in.
we all hope. we all love.
we. together.

it's not easy to be you

2011-11-09T10:16:00.000+07:00

or me. or anybody.

we got misunderstood a lot.

letting go of past

2011-11-05T22:00:00.001+07:00

is tough.

some of those were pain and some of those were glorious.
tp gimanapun, itu mengukir something inside of us. "bikin kita jadi kita" they say.

some ppl nga mo ngelepasin their hurt in the past krn firstly, emang susah.
but secondly, krn itu "make us eligible" to be "angry and bitter". bkin kita legit buat jd seenaknya karena kita merasa "berhak" krn kita uda tersakiti. merasa berhak buat marah, or even hurt others. pain itu kejam, krn sometimes itu make us a worse person than we are. and you don't need that on top of that very own pain. forgive, because YOU deserve peace.

some others susah banget ngelepasin past yg dalam bentuk: kemenangan; masa kejayaan. it was just so amazing being up there and jadi yg terbaik. or sangat disayang. sangat dihargai. or mendapatkan sesuatu yg luar biasa. achievement. well nothing wrong about being proud about what u have achieved but come on GET OVER IT! your life doesn't end there. it WAS great, but now THE NEW HAS COME. itu bikin km narrow minded and nga open to things. kl km uda merasa u've achieved ur best, there's when the dream end. tiba2 km nga suka km dikritik, tiba2 km sadar kl km menutup diri buat belajar. and yes, the best is yet to come.

on one side, bener klo past itu make us learn so much and APPRECIATE so much. and we grow so much. but because it was beautiful, doesn't mean you live in it.

and yg lebi menarik lagi, karena itu bakal effect your close people yg ada sekarang ini- or later in the future. ur past wouldn't effect them as much, but YOUR RELATION to your past would. contoh paling gampang aja, kl km nganggep one relationship in the past was so special etc, that it was beautiful and u'd never forget thattt. well, it's great...but you might want to think for your current/later relationship. dealing with ex sucks, even if they have no relation whatsoever. apalg klo on top of tht, km masi "terpana" dng relationship yg lalu. take the lesson, treasure, but look forward.
cause it's not just about you.

cause one day you won't living with just you alone.
your world has to collide.

marriage

2011-10-14T12:27:00.000+07:00

make sure your marriage works karena the power of marriage relates to previous and next generation.
bukan cuma buat km and ur spouse only.

it's like a gift yg kamu bisa kasih ke parent kamu after ngedein kamu ampe this stage.
no parents can sleep soundly at night if they know pernikahan anaknya bermasalah. bgmn klo one day anaknya mengetuk pintu di malam hari, crying and say "everything has broken apart, ma. i can't do this longer"
kebahagiaan anak adalah hadiah terbesar yg parent bisa minta.
make sure you enter an OUTSTANDING marriage with an outstanding you and outstanding spouse.
let your marriage flourish buat kebahagiaan parent km juga

then it relates to the next generation: your kids.
nga ada yg bisa kasi confidence yg begitu besar pada anak kecil slain melihat how amazing their parents is. klo terbiasa liat how papa sayang mama dan mama sayang papa dan how them sayang mereka, wah....amazing deh.
amazing marriage itu utang kamu ama anak-anak kamu. they deserve to grow in environment of love yg full of responsibility. you're your kids example. dan ini bekal yang bisa kamu kasi ke mereka jg. it's sad klo they have crooked view on love krn they don't see it applied in their core families.

in conclusion, marriage is powerful. have an outstanding one. and be fruitful.

things i've done once and (i think) it's enough...

2011-09-19T10:04:00.003+07:00

1. paraseiling
Bali, waktu masi kecil banget. Yg pasti tandem si. But i remember the feeling when u up in the air trus di bawah laut. asik. Trus besok2nya maen bodyboard melulu. glad that i did so much outdoor activities even i was so small haha.

2. bungee-jumping
134metres! (normal is 40m dr bridge) woohoo! at that time no-2 tertinggi di dunia, now ~~nga tau ya~~ (baru check, no 8 lah, msi top 10 lol) It's in Queenstown, NewZealand, place for adrenaline rush. The craziest 8.5s in my life: freefall! pas naek, gila itu rasanya nga nyampe2. tegang abis. trus "port" nya itu built between two cliffs so obviously km pas naek smacem kreta gantung (tdk ditutup) di kesana, uda built bgt tensionnya. mana ada glass floor pula. ada bule asked me "u really gonna jump?" and i said "i have done it" and some others confirmed that "yea, she did" wow. was the only asian and 1 out of 3girls there. i did not know what was i thinking haha. kata lil' bro, i screamed the loudest scream. scary banget but they don't give u time to think. 3...2....1....JUMP! so i did, and quick enough i enjoyed it so much when the wind get inside my jacket and all. my heartbeat skipped so fast then suddenly stop. gila gila gila. the taste of craziness. i think since then i developed the "urge to jump in high place" as Jack Sparrow once mentioned. lol.
check out: http://www.bungy.co.nz/the-nevis/the-nevis-bungy

3. ice mountain hiking
Fox Glacier, New Zealand. bersenjatakan sepatu rajam- lol. yg ada paku2nya biar bisa step on the ice glacier. Inget banget how we picked half day instead of 3hrs krn "kagok ah, masa nga kuat juga". but yea, big times for stamina. bisa liat celah2 pas mendaki, liat es...putih, makin dalem makin biru. beautiful. mesmerizing. yg lucu masuk ke satu celah gitu, yg i thought big man nga bisa masuk, tp kayanya lemak tubuh emang "nyoi-nyoi" and bisa menyesuaikan bentuk -lol- jadi masuk masuk aja tuh. sometimes nemu juga daerah yg ada 'kubangan' es gtu. as u hike, pasti panas btw. no matter how freezing the ice are.

aslinya much more bluer

my awesome pa

4. concert-ing

backgroundnya engga bgt *speechless*

Actually i've been twice. I enjoyed Jason Mraz the whole through. Casual banget. The floor penuh si, cm u can still come in and out for drinks etc. and he conversed with the audience. idup banget. then i went to John Legend's concert back in JavaJazz 2010 and i was utterly shock. Rame si. Hingar bingar. but the crowd....wohoo: MADNESS. "ampe segitunya ya" and cuma music and music doank. nga ada komunikasi antara audience and performer. big boo-hoo for me. jdny yg keinget cm the mepet2ness and the smell of sweats haha. lucky i'm quite tall tho, at least breathe slightly fresher air dibanding yg harus rebutan di skala 10cm lbi rendah lol. heard the year before (Jason Mraz) juga gt. so i guess depends di mana jg kali ya or maybe because i wasn't into Legend anw. I watched Mraz back in Syd and yes, we connected: the audience and him. beda emang live ama nonton di tv but i don't think i'd squeeze buat watch them esp nga pernah star-struck jg si. klo musical beda lagi critanya. love them.

5. hot-baloon

i think i got the most beautiful side in the world: Cappadocia in Turkey. Typology nya aneh, gua gua batu di gunung batu raksasa. Dulu tempat christians sembunyi dari tentara2 romawi or ottoman empire. hidup di gua2, yg jalan masuknya memusingkan (buat ngelabuhi musuh). segala ada di gua2 itu, ada tempat pressing wine segala. and the view from above phewwww, is breath-taking. brangkat subuh, turun jam 9am. cantik, keliatan megahnya alam. dan pas masuk di awan....all white and breezing wind. i really really want to walk in those clouds.

6. diving
after series of snorkeling at Clovelly Beach and Cabbage Tree Bay, Sydney to Tulamben, Bali and Bunaken, Menado, i finally dipped further in Great Barrier Reef, Cairns. Diving is no simple matter. Napasnya itu lho, ama how to stay calm and keep breathing. Ada saat2 diving di mana di kepala kebayang as if your lungs would explode. bersyukur deh sekarang buat yg namanya oksigen, yg free pula. 12m deep is amateur-range tp ttp deg3an. but yea, under the sea = a whole new world!! Liat sea cucumber and see how a sucker it was haha. nempel2 di palm. giant clam yg kalo di touch lngsung ngatup. or ikan2 yg lagi arisan kita godain and langsung hiding di terumbu2 at a very coordinated movement. barengan gitu. got to see reef shark too. and the nemo. this one i intend to do more. ayo, openwater PADI cerfiticate!

Tulamben - Bali

7. mountain-walking at night
with only thongs and nga ada senter. kemaleman si turun gunungnya. abis liat maybe the prettiest sunset ever dr top of the mountain. Sungai di bawah, dikelilingi gunung and the beautiful color of the sky. That's Xingping, Guangxi China for you. turun gunungnya si pretty steep and ya, buta aja nga keliatan apa2; cm rely on lampu hp. liat kunang-kunang si, cantik. and heard all kind of insect conversing with each other. bukan cuma summer's tonggeret. serem juga dah bunyinya aneh2. i think i was shaking whole way through, holding on him. ati-ati and ikut aja. some kind of shock therapy. intense bgt but memorable. note: not recommended

8. fall in love
i had crushes during teenager years but to be in love with another person is totally different thing. this one is the scariest and the most expensive ride of all. it cost you your all. heart and mind. time. faith and hope. love. banyak banget fear. doubt, juga insecurities. hati suka kaya berkecambuk nga jelas. thought once u're in relationship, u get one matter solved. well, quite the opposite lol. what an investment, i pray it's once for all. but God is great, i am being taught well what is and how to love. jadi bersamaan know more about loving, jg diajarin courage, surrenderness, faith, confidence, assurance, power, willingness to serve, understanding, trust, wisdom...dan lain lain. amazing ya. love is indeed, glorious.

" There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear." 1John 4:18.
Yes, i want to love fully.

tangan menengadah

2011-08-16T22:33:00.002+07:00

kalau berkat itu butir-butir pasir yang jatuh dari atas,
tengadahkanlah tanganmu
sekalipun bulir-bulir akan jatuh juga dari tanganmu- kamu tidak berhenti menerima
ketika kau genggam bulirnya, saat itu juga kamu berhenti menerima

That's the analogy "Jangan buat diri kamu sendiri aja" that i'd put after the light talk with my pa and ma
it's all started with "Apa si cerita di balik sukses pap?"
Garuk-garuk kepala, he said he didn't know either; saying he has no talent that's clear before people's eyes.

"Pap nga pernah ngomong "engga" aja. Semua kerja dilakonin (dikerjakan). Pelanggan minta apa ya dijalanin aja. Nga nanya gaji juga"

He claimed he was a silent man. Tall, skinny and quiet. Said mungkin pelanggan kesian ama dy. Tho lama lama mau nga mau, he has to speak through.

"Commit" mom nyeletuk. "Bilang jam 5 anter ya anter, mo ujan mo engga, ya anter"
So we kept digging into the story- into quality over quality.

"Yah mo win-win juga. Mau ngalah-ngalah sitik (dikit)". In his business there's a lot of losing situation he'd take, to make the problem solved. Kalau sama-sama ngotot ya kapan kelarnya, "Siap korban juga". There's sacrifices. Noted.

He started from 0 when he was 31. Didn't even have the money to start. It was just friends came along and helping him "Iya, pap dikasi stock. Kadang dibantu bayar juga" Now he's a helping hand. I guess it's always two reasons why you help: 1. so km bakal dibantu balik or 2. krn km uda dibantu, tau rasanya dibantu. The 1st one is rather tiring, and it fades when the expectation does not return. But the 2nd one is an endless circle, menganak pinak seperti virus.

"Sama karyawan juga nga pelit" mam nyeletuk lagi. Yes, there's this one thing i admire from him. Loyality. He was a loyal man and true to my eyes i see how there are so many people are being loyal to him. "Wong anak pegawe khitanan aja dateng." Itu penghargaan buat mereka. Masuk kampung buat liat itu. It's respect. Respectable man respects people.

Ya diitung-itung, ya nga ada abisnya. Banyak yang nga sesuai nalar, di luar akal. Ya....*with clueless eyes* berkat. Disuru ngulang lagi ya ora iso (ngak bisa). Lalu kembali ke ilustrasi, ia menengadahkan tangannya, melihat ke atas.

Blessing tunnel; that's how i named it before. Kalau berkatnya kamu simpan di gudang, lama-lama juga nga muat. Tapi klo tunnel/saluran...ya ga ada abisnya. Kamu dilalui, diberkati- lalu memberkati. Never end.

Ya kerja keras si pasti, tambahnya. Ulet.

"Jaman single, di luar jam kerja ya masi detailing (nawarin product)- yah itung2 pengalaman. Nga rugi juga."
Smart! Take the extra mile, there's no traffic jam there!

The story continued a bit on the harder part

"Mobil dicuri org setelah krediatan kedua. TV jg pernah gitu"
"Malem2 masi ngebungkusin kacang, pagi2 jual ke sekolah sekalian nganter koko"
"Koko masi diajak jalan pulang sekolah. Masih sayang buang uang buat anter jemput"
"Dulu dede2 pap msi pap sekolain, mam yg njaitin bajunya. Ngirit"

Now that's what i love about. They NEVER said a bit about these. They don't bluff about how hard it was to glorify themselves on what they now have. Itu yang namanya HEBAT! Tidak bermegah. If i don't ask, i'd never know. Bener, you don't have to smell like what you've been through. Masa mo lewat pasar ikan terus mau terus-terusan bau ikan? Instead, hidup bersyukur.

dan character/mindset

"Mobil dicuri itu pap msi ngomong 'mobil aja yg pinjem, siapa yg minjem nga tau, kapan dibalikin juga nga tau' Kebetulan org butuh mobil, ya sudah".

Itu mobil masih kredit-an kedua atau ketiga. Tidak bersungut-sungut. Nga pernah yang namanya aku dimarahi when i lost a thing or broke a thing. They'd warn me buat lebih berhati2, tapi nga pernah marahin. I've broke the car, lost the mobile phone, or lost the wallet. Dan aku selalu inget klo sebelum apapun juga yang mrk tanyakan adalah "Kamu ngapapa? Puji Tuhan kamu nga papa"

Banyak kala, bukan masalah siapa yang salah - tapi apa pemecahannya.

Never really sure apa yg melandasi tata cara hidup mereka. But that's what i've been witnessing. And dng nilai nilai ini aku dididik. Bersyukur.

Pap lulusan SMA. Like he said he was the tall, skinny and quiet man. He was the oldest son out of 8 siblings.
Jadi apa mimpi pap? - i asked.
Apoteker- he said, liat si om racik2 obat terlihat asik.
It fits the man he described out of himself. But maybe he's just drawn to the big destiny he never dream before. Now he's a successful businessman. A great man. Respectable husband and loving father.

Tangan menengadah, mata melihat ke atas. Now i'd never forget the look of him when he was doing that. Juga nilai-nilai yang besertanya.

love notes

2011-08-16T11:36:00.006+07:00

wall of my room in Hangzhou

notes over notes, like collecting fragment of memories.
word of encouragement and of inspiration. of praises and of quiet times.

pictures over pictures. that he posted day after day.
with each containing concept- or story
bringing me a step closer to his everyday life- or thought.

like tiny love notes
tiny love notes

worst investment so far

2011-08-10T14:27:00.004+07:00

Spending the last 2 days clearing my comic collection.
Here's the counting:
4 big boxes (75*45*45cm). 1 big box equals to 600-700pieces that leaves me with 2500+ pieces
@10,000 means i had spent 25mills Rp on these things. *phew*
add the 4-5yrs i spent on them; definitely the wrong investment of my youth.

i am glad i have outgrown them.

a 700 miles 4 months.

2011-06-30T01:18:00.004+07:00

June 30 2011. Now it's been years since June 30 2010.

you might wake up one day, not knowing that on that very day you'll meet your fortune.
you'd make your day like you always do.
but somewhere somewhen in life, somethings are meant to happened.
dream is on its way. or even before your very door.
live expecting!

it could be today.
wake up.

more than i thought

2011-06-21T23:34:00.002+07:00

2011 Hangzhou- gives me a sweet-bitter affection.

I'd miss it more than i thought.
We might not be that close but i can tell you on and on about friends and families here.
The charming smiles they have to the twisted stories of their lives.

I might not always appreciate the rain -or the heat
but i marvel when i saw the open umbrellas by the dorm's alley as they waited to dry
or how everyone's agreeing on almost everything when it was damn so hot

I'd miss the time when i feel like everyone is trying to be close to one another
it's beautiful as it is

now- as i look into the farewell letter they wrote me- i feel grateful and sad.
people are beautiful.
now - as i look into the yesterday's fellowship, today's party and tomorrow's farewell.
moment are such treasure.

i love more than i thought. miss more than i thought.
and it's all well with it.

as it's getting close to new page, i know...
this journey could be more than we thought...
but whichever it takes us,
it shall lead us well.

2011-06-14T00:43:00.003+07:00

You're greater than my yesterday.
You hold close me today.
You're the Lord of my tomorrow.

jealous!!!!

2011-05-26T14:41:00.002+07:00

i am!!!! *chuckles*

i am seeing people growing up so beautifully before my eyes.
i am witnessing people being stretched over- to be larger than what they was.
over works. over relationship. over visions.

i am so OH- SO- J-E-A-L-O-U-S!!!

guys, really- you've been put in such great opportunity and being trained (and burnt!!!)
for such a time like this.
to be refined refined and refined.

if you ever think whether you'd do well if you took the other road the other days, know:
"if you're doing great in this way, you'll definitely would excel any other ways"

be faithful in all things. knowing no walking is wasted.

carry me in your journeys.
i want to experience through your eyes and your hardwork
i want to cry your cries and rejoice in your victories.

and surround me, hey you all beautiful people,
then one day when i say

"This is my all, i give my best..."

you'll all would come to me and say

"No, love. Not for you! You can extend more."

and stretch me all over again.
love x

it's a good day in Hangzhou

2011-05-22T14:37:00.007+07:00

a journal. Sunday 22May 2011.
i woke up strange. i saw my blackberry's clock in disbelief.

9.16
wait i thought i got my alarm on 8.16 (yes, odd number for alarm lol!)
from a tiny gap from my curtain i saw the day's gloom. maybe the sun is not up yet. maybe my blackberry got wrong.

but she was not. neither did the sun forget to rise. it's just a continual odd day from yesterday. a cool rainy day on Hangzhou's summer day.

i sit up for church, after struggling to go. Called Rendy to join up and found him in Huangshan climbing 4 hrs instead of taking the cable car. Anw, i did not know that the church started at 10.30 again (it was 11 few weeks ago and i missed last two weeks since i was in Guangzhou/Shenzhen/HongKong and Shanghai consecutively)

Next to me was an old Chinese lady which soon i discovered does not speaking English at all. I helped her finding the verse on her Chinese Bible (fancy!). And i say to myself "what a beautiful lady". Her spirit compels me and it shines. By the end of the service, she offered a handshake which i welcomed with a hug instead, telling her in broken chinese "You're beautiful." she accepted it with shy laugh; tremendous smile and we parted while her puppy eyes told me she wanted to talk more. "Even though i did not understand, my heart is happy"- she said with joy and speck of tear on the corner of her eyes.

Then i looked for Jes and Stel, my Indonesian friends that i spotted but they were gone by that. But i know i have to stuck around for Taona who's still playing the piano as the audience subsides. I was so excited to see him on stage!!
Let me tell you about Taona, he's my Zimbabwe friend who's talented in worship ministry. He's the guy who make me realize how bad i am when it comes to people appearance as i only noticed that he only has one ear after my 4th time meeting him. He just lost his father and went back home for almost a month now. That's why it moved me more when he picked the Israel Houghton's "Trading My Sorrow" and sing it beautifully

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

at the end i found him waving at me. i literally run with small steps and "aaaaa~ taona!" before i noticed i was loud. he laughed and opened his arms big to hug me. ugh i miss this huge tough boy!! he's joyful, that i can tell. then gentle Alexina, his girlfriend; my Ghanian friend came up and gave me hug too.

i also excited to find Jonathan back. This Philippines friend has been away for visiting his family back home, he saw me and he smiled-
"You look stunning!!" as he hugged me. Then he went introducing his brother and his two boys who's here for vacation and i ended up inviting them to Bandung and it's just until later that i know he's a pastor. "We'll always make sure we go on vacation every year to spend time with family and all". Note: that is important! You have to be present as your kids growing!

Then i called Adamou Harouna and Kathleen Brindley who left me missed calls during the service. Adam, a Nigerian classmate happened to ask me to be an English teacher for next semester, which i had to sadly turn down as i'd be for good. Fyi, some countries in Africa is more familiar with French instead of English so he came down to Hangzhou for Chinese, being told they'd teach him in French. So he's so screwed up last semester with no basic chinese and english. However, as he said, he's lucky. instead of one, he's studying 2 languages now.

Kathleen Brindley on the other side, is an American-British young lady that's obsessed on being a wizard on her dragon and dungeon's game while on the other side, excels in performance art and biology knowledge. She almost major in both of those subjects on that matter, but instead stranded here in China. So i love it when i found her nerdy side. And i have this weird mixed British accent when i speak to her- or Nick.
"Yes, love? Fancy you're calling me. What's up?" She invited me to join her and a bunch friends for Pirates of Carribean tonight which i gladly accept. I expect Eugene, Nick, Laurissa and Dahye and some more to come. [wrong! i had this interesting Chinese girl, Wendy instead; Mucho and Tobias) We had an interesting girl-boyfriend topic later on. and pirates turned to be pleasing, but not impressing. plot gaps.

i spent my afternoon on COSTA coffee, the Starbucks of The Great Britain. treat myself a maximmo cup of HOT CHOCOLATE which almost literally a huge bowl of hot choc. on a cool rainy day in Hangzhou- that's the way i love it. and i read Visioneering, leaving me 2 chapters before i'm done. f-i-n-a-l-l-y.

it's a good day in Hangzhou.

ordering and sorting out

2011-05-20T12:39:00.003+07:00

there were so many things in life i want to learn. Guitar for instance. Cooking. Photography. Paintings. Photoshop. Biology. Craft. and such and such.

so many knowledge i want to possess. machines. psychology. news. politics. technology. and such and such.

there were so many things i want to to. Travel. Be a mentor. Host a party. and such and such.

when some of those needs ordering, some others need to be sorted out.
since sometimes we're greedy. and we're stingy. we don't spent much to buy.
and most of the time, we should be busy doing what is really for us.

as you walk the walk. as you know your focus, some things become less important. some others, become highlights.
there, you know what is for you and what is not.
the desire to master all are replaced by dreams so deep and high that only focus and totality would get you across the sea.

some of them would wait. some others would be learn and gained little by little. some would be dropped from the list.
there is no rush, i have my whole life to do so.

be really really really good on some-two-three-thing, then a little bit of everything everywhere.

like gravity

2011-05-19T14:28:00.003+07:00

look deep into my eyes
see that inside - fairies are living and merry-ing around
and as i paint your world with the color of dew
please just hold me tightly
just like gravity, keep me grounded

and now hold my hand and see
magical rainbows are coming out from my fingertips
for i trace your face everyday
that your pixy dusts got glued

and i would hold you tightly
just like gravity, keep you grounded

--
杭州，2011年5月19号

beautiful interruption

2011-05-17T01:34:00.003+07:00

so i was drop dead mad that day.
then the rains poured heavily together with the thunder's roars
as if it's trying hard to wash away my madness

On that same day i got to fix my flight ticket and per se. I found myself tricked by google and got myself into the wrong bus and wrong direction. So i laugh laugh laugh! There was no day as lovely as this one: when you're meddled when you're consumed. It's like being snapped out of my private time, saying "HEY, THIS IS FUN!" and it was.

On the other trip, nothing seems to work. The plane got delayed. The bus broke down. The backpack was tearing back muscles. And so on. As i was in the midst of it tho, i felt eerily in peace. These set of things got me from my one way of thinking, got me jumped a bit to the back and got me back into perspective. I love it when He interferes my day. When He meddles.
and win my heart. It's a lovely interruption. My joyous laugh.

So one way or another, i always love it when i walk and watch the face of the sky's changing.
Then i'd think of all of yous.
Of my adorable family and how loving they are.
Of my silly boyfriend and how he's the bigger thinker; the better doer.
Of my amazing friends and the challenges they'd come to victor
and how funny we all could be.

get out of your system.
x

8may'11:mother'sday - The Blessed Mom

2011-05-10T10:01:00.001+07:00

She was born with words. And words were, my inheritance.

“Hidup ini adalah proses belajar. Semasa muda kita belajar meraih apa yang kita impikan. Menjelang senja kita masih harus belajar….
Melepas dengan iklas apa yang menjadi milik kita
Melepas anak kita jadi milik orang lain
Melepas pekerjaan kita karena factor usia
Melepas kegemaran kita
Dan terakhir melepas nyawa kita untuk kembali kepadaNya.“H.Andoko

If there 2 words I have to pick for her, then I’d go for: blessed and humble. Growing up with strong father figure, it’s not until later in life that I come to admire my mom’s persistence and consistency. A mother of self-discipline and of assurance. A wife of noble character, that provides and works hard before the sun rises and does not stop before the sun sets.

At 8 when mom said “I’m lucky to have pap”, I’d nod in silence. At 18, when she said so, I’d chuckle and laugh (LOUD!) with her while my heart goes “Pap’s lucky to have you!” Both of them made it work; the beautiful chemistry the world would be jealous of.

She’s amazing. Diligence is her virtue and she does not take credit on her excellence. Humble. Caring. Just confide. Just believe. Just support. A place of overflowing trust. Simple. Graceful. Praiseworthy.

She prophecies over my life. And my siblings. She goes round saying,
“when you guys fight it’s simply because you all are born with such great sense leadership”. It’s in shaping, mom- we’ll make you proud.

I come to see the woman in her. Her weakness and jealousy too. And I come to love this lady too. Strong, in oppose of her meekness. Stubborn, in oppose of her submissive quality. She’s a survivor! And this lady loves to write. If I give her a thousand pieces of paper….what story would her mind procreate as the words jump like the ink-froggies.

And all my life, I only hear her saying
“I believe in you, if it’s you, you’d be able to make it. I can see it from your childhood” Her fave quote that speaks into my life "Mam percaya kamu bisa." Full stop.

Yes. She’s blessed. Just see how she’s loved.
You’ll see we tease her a lot. See how pap flirts with her now and then.
See how my 1st bro gives her a call and hugs. See how my 2nd bro would just visit randomly in the middle of his work. See how my lil bro clings on her and praises her “You’re the greatest mom on earth!”. See how I am so jealous of her virtues. See how when all of us together, she can’t escape bullying and teasing (ha!). We love her that it is heart-wrenching. I do oh I do.

She’s blessed, this lady is. She’s blessed, my great mom is.
and her noble characters, is my inheritance.

the missed degree of a vantage point

2011-04-26T17:15:00.000+07:00

It's shocking now that i realize that i heard much more of
"I learn from others' mistake so i can avoid it"
than
"I learn from the best so i can apply it"

Sometimes in life, we're too focused on not making mistake. Or to survive.
Now imagine we're playing choose (cap sa/big two as some people'd call it)
It makes a great difference when you play with the rule of "The game ends as soon as 1 person win and the loser is the one with most minus." and "The game continues until the last man left and he's the loser"

Now one player has 2 cards left and says "Last two"

in the 2nd situation, people are most likely to calculate until the end and saving their cards (2 is the highest) and somehow it becomes "as long as i don't get last"

but in 1st situation, you have to throw your all to prevent this guy to win. and you'd try to throw away all your big cards and trying to minimize your minuses.

This very ground rule would effect the whole flow and the pattern of the game.

Now in life, have you ever think whether we're AIMING TO WIN or AVOIDING FAILURE? of being the 1st or not making it last?
it sounds alike but these brothers do not even belong to the same bloodline.
aiming to win put you in the stake of risking it all.
avoiding failure mostly require you to hold into whatever you have at the moment.

yes, do learn from other mistake. yes, do avoid doing mistake yourself.
but focus on winning. think like winning people. learn from winning people. and aim to win.
even if that means you have to make mistake alongway.

learn more on how people are success and not why people are losing.
focus on not doing what the failed ones do, is to focus on making a safe environment. it's defensive. it's guarding the field. but as much as it is important, it does not give you any score.

focus on doing what success people do, is to focus on improvement and the vast world of possibilities. it charges. it's offensive. and it makes the goal. it scores.

x

mirror neuron

2011-04-26T16:57:00.000+07:00

in one basketball competition, students were separated into 3 groups.
group 1. are to practice shooting and dribbling 15mins everyday for 2weeks.
group 2. are to imagine themselves playing and do the simulation in their heads. they're to touch the ball and feel it but not to practice literally. also 15mins everyday for 2weeks.
group 3. are to control the activities. not practicing or simulating.

after two weeks it was found that group 3 showed no improvement while group 1 and 2 had improved by THE SAME percentage.

Bizarre!

Now there is this finding of MIRROR NEURON, claiming that the neuron fires in both situation where a person is doing something and when this person watch another performer doing so.

Maybe that's why an expert trainer says that before the match, you better watch how the winner makes their win and feel it with your whole being rather than watching the failed ones and try to avoid their mistakes. Because when you watch, investigate and simulate- it's as if you're doing it yourself. Do it or analyze it- actually provokes the same part of your brain; fires the same neuron of mirror neuron. It might explains empathy or why pornography works. Because it is as if. Your body feels it. Knows it. Learn it.

then why not, watch from the best and practicing winning thought in our mind?

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."phil4:8

汉语课

2011-04-19T15:14:00.003+07:00

精读课：
老师：那用”为了“给我几个句子吧！
开文：为了爱我就结婚了。
老师：。。。语法是对的。这个事儿。。拉蕾（已经结婚的女同学），你为什么结婚？为了爱吗？
啦蕾：。。。没有工作。＊笑＊
老师：那李钟范（已经结婚的男同学）呢？
钟范：阿！＊没有声音＊我也不知道。
同学们：哈哈哈

口语课：
老师：一个月我花了大概30快。（电话的费用）
同学们：那么便宜阿！
老师：我是中国人所以很了解中国移动的服务
韩国同学：老师，你有没有女朋友？
老师：没有
同学们：啊啊啊。。。。

阅读课：
1。老师：喝酒的时我从来没醉。
最大的男同学：老师！晚上，可以不可以？

2。老师快当爸爸。
宋麟: 老师你喜欢女孩子还是儿子？
老师：我无所谓。都喜欢。
同学们：好！真好！！
同学：但现在女孩子好一点，对不对？
老师：＊笑＊哈哈。现在的女儿挺厉害的。她们说 ”我要这个。这个。这个“ 然后她们的男朋友们都回答 ”好的。好的。好的。“

3。考试的问题
老师：第一部分是偏旁。比如。。（blablabla) 但是算了！你们不能记得的话，请找在课文的里面。
我们：我们的老师挺聪明的。Now that is so yuedu!

听力课：
＊睡觉了＊

等等。

a note of today

2011-04-19T14:23:00.000+07:00

opened my eyes. the outside was bright.
there was no alarm. in a tiny second, my mind screamed "WHAT TIME IS THIS?"

exam! exam! exam!

*chuckles* took my blackberry and phew-ed. 6.30am. it's a lovely start of the day.

not knowing where the exam room were, i walked following the crowd; pluggin' in BrookeFraser's and went dudulala, "...i am bright as the sun, you as high as a kite...."
My steps were light. Maybe knowing you'd screw up the exam helps you on feeling great.

i love today.
love seeing people walked into the same directions like penguins.
love the chuckles that friends made when i said “明白就是明白但是汉字怎么写我一点儿也不记得”
love how i forget how to write “妈妈” during the exam or write 觉的 instead of 觉得.
love that the sun scorches your skin. love that the wind strikes into your bones.
love the crazy pork's fat. love that i feel like Australia and "time for flip flops!"
love that my hair grows.
love the heart-felt loves. love that cheese cake and black-forrest are forever craving materials.
love that somewhat things are different.

guess i'm getting greedier.
the more i add days the more i see i am young still.
the more i gain knowledge the more i know i know nothing.
world is vast. love is no depth no weight no height.

i want to see much.
know much.

.love much.

knowledge that releases

2011-04-15T01:04:00.000+07:00

we rushed to the train station that day.
not knowing which way to go or how long would it take us there. not knowing where exactly the station is. and we left restless.

even if we're on the way and there was no other things to be done; we asked:
"will we make it there?" "is this the fastest way?" -or so forth.
we walk the road. but in the back of our mind, we worry.

contrary to that; on my way back i was rest assured. it was dark and cold.
but i know which bus would take me home and for how long. i have the knowledge now.
i can rest in the knowledge.

such knowledge allows you to take breathe. release you from worries.

it makes a great difference to think your boss likes your work from knowing that he digs it
it makes a great difference believing that you're loved from knowing that indeed you're loved.
no guessing game. no "maybes" zone.

off course in life, the uncertainty is a constant factor. then why not spread the knowledge only we know: feeling that is ours.
bring knowledge to someone today. bring enlightenment into their lives and release them.
let them know that you've forgiven them.
let them know you envy them for the goodness they possess.
let them know you love them
let them know that we're in this together.

let them know that they matter. and their mistake doesn't.

and know that i do.
x

who are we fooling

2011-04-15T00:07:00.001+07:00

BROOKE FRASER feat. AQUALUNG

So we’re back here again
Tip toeing round the edge of the end
Wondering who will be last to admit
That we’re finally over

Turned twenty one on the day that we met
Terrible shoes and plausible dress
It’s funny how sad the funny things get as you grow older

*Better or worse
But what else can we do?
And better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it’s not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

I love the art of biting my tongue
I’m tired of trying to guess what was wrong
Both agreed on where we should go
But not how to get there

We tried and tried to loosen the knots
Thinking once we’re untangled we’ll be better off
But it’s these failures and faults that hold us together

*
**This beautiful tangle that’s bruising us blue
It’s a beautiful knot that we just can’t undo
Together we’re one but apart tell me
Who are we fooling?

Cause real love
Is hard love
It’s all we have
It’s a break-neck
Train wreck
It’s all we have

So we’re back here again
Turning away from the edge of the end
Arm in arm

*
**
Together we’re one, but apart tell me
Who are we fooling?
-----
I love Brooke Fraser for her composition of words and the deep tones of her melodies.
Most of them are journeys with storyline. Simple. But not simple at all. there are background to that stories.
there are notable recollection here and there. and somehow i relate.

(a note after 11days blissful trip)

i laugh myself to sleep

2011-04-14T23:39:00.000+07:00

I laugh myself to sleep
Look here! Hear there!
The crescent eyes smile. The merry heart sings.

I laugh myself to sleep
There is this burden that felt so right.
Lifted hand on hand through uncertainty

So my heart races hard. Heard them by beats and by speed.
So my worries multiply quickly. Count them by seconds and by weight.
I wonder where is this peace come from.

I laugh myself to sleep
I am here thus I am. Being exposed to pain becomes an addictive drug. Keep consuming.
I am here and that’s what matters. Being exposed to joy is like dancing on black-and-white memories. Forever kept.

If I have to break, it should be in pieces. Or else I’d not accept it.
And if I shall claim my flag, it’d be on the highest peak of mountain’s mountains.

I laugh myself to sleep.
This bittersweet love I have only gratitude.
I laugh myself to sleep.
Like the happiest idiot that I am.
Like the strongest believer that I am.

8 April 2011. 12.52am.

life like teeth againts orange

2011-03-30T00:49:00.000+07:00

1.57am.

was just peeling an orange of a thick and stubborn skin.
loved the confused smell of sweet-tasting orange.
and when i finally got it open half-way. i felt like just grab it by my mouth.
a mouthful of fresh juicy orange.

so i did.
i ate an orange like i never did before.
i ate it like an apple. bite by bite. and let the juices flowed and sprinkled.

it's not proper. and it's not pretty either.
even the thought of it- not pretty.
but hey, i enjoyed my orange!

and life. life is often like that.
how many times we stop an idea to develop (left alone, executed) just because "it's not the way it's usually done"
or "if there's a better way to do this, someone must already think and invent it already"- so we accept the way as it is. the common idea is well thought- thus, why try the unproven? why go sideways?

Most of the time, we FIND OURSELVES IN A SYSTEM and when we do, it's just natural for us to perceive the system as it is. Somehow we get familiar. Somehow we get a formula. here's the thing about them:

1.familiarity
when you get into a company, you're that cocky newbie with all the dreams and passions. you notice the old sofa and wrongly-placed trash bin. yes, you're just that annoying newcomer full of details. but day to day, you come in and come out.
the view turns...familiar.
you...belong. they...belong.
the faults start to become usual stuff. everything merge in one picture. you get familiar.
don't get familiar with your bad habits. don't get familiar because it's just common. and soon acceptable.
don't get familiar with good things too. people work under the scorching heat of sun only to eat what you eat casually.
and never be familiar with blessings. for the essence of everysingle of it made especially for you.

2.formula
sometimes we wish life is 1+1=2. that it can be formulated into some kind of rules and definite answer. if he does this, doesn't do that so he is that and this. therefore, as a response of that, i should befriend him or not befriend him. sometimes we wish when occurrence happens, we have formula to encounter it.
no, don't claim that you don't have one. we all do. we all have some kind of formula to deal with stuff. something that is in favour of our benefits.
in relationship. in work. in other aspects.
we make formula based on our understanding, experience and expectation. we make this tiny lots of small rules we might don't know we have.
but there is no formula. it's just there is no easy way to anywhere. guidelines there is. but formula, never. expect new things. expect different way. expect the unexpectedness.
yes, we're in open-ended question.

and my orange tasted good.
savoured it well.

the glue and the heat

2011-03-28T21:58:00.000+07:00

So this lovely black lady sit in front of me. In between us was a heater; which she prepared quickly after she came in.

The whole hour she put her book on top of the heater. The whole hour we have the whole talk and fun with the rest of the group. It's not until later that she realizes that her book was torn. As in, few pages are ripped from the whole bundle. They almost fell off and became individual papers again.

"What? Why? When?" she wondered. However quick enough the European lady pointed on the heater.

"She (the heater) gets the glue melts."

Noted. Yes it was the heat.

I wonder what glue bundles our book of life. what adhesive bonds you as one?
and what if..what if there's some pages that's not suppose in the book, got into the book? What if...you need to re-arrange your book...and this very sticky glue got into the way?

You'd want to tear them apart. And by that, you might break the whole book and you might left with pieces of torn papers. By that, you destroy. Maybe not a bad idea; given some circumstances.

What about heat? Heat that melts the glue away and un-glue you.
And the next time, you flip over pages and put it properly this time.
Sure being expose to heat is a scary thing. Especially when you can melt as a result of it. Thus we need to take courage.
Sure melting process is not an easy thing. You get deformed, and find yourself in a substance that you've never seen before. It's uncomfortable, maybe even painful. Take heart, the heat is not to burn you but to un-glue you.

another note is we can't be the heat. no we can't. it's a substance belong to another dimension. but we can be a heater- trying its best exposing the heat. introducing the heat.

Go, get exposed to the heat.
x

withpraise

2011-03-26T02:34:00.000+07:00

it's scary what hold you through the day....

the jokes you laugh with your friends.
the smile in stranger's face.
the blooming flowers. the abandon places that makes you ponder.
the snack you suddenly want.
the thought of past. present. future.
the small compliment.
the stupid things you do. the annoying stuff.
the coffee.
the homework youdontreallywanttothinkordoanyway.
the heavy feeling of burden. the weighting sigh.
the fruit you peel and eat.
the doubt. the new food you tried.
the mother's assuring and tender voice toward her kid
the prayer.
the 'miss you' note....

so each day i close my day and i count it all.
sleep with an overwhelming feeling of thousands wonders. wake up with the same feeling
even in misfortune, mixed feeling, questioning mind to the confidence of future- things holds me through the day.

i asked why and i found why.
in everything we do. say. think. experience. feel.
there's faith.
there's hope.
there's.
l.o.v.e

so each day close a day with praise.
and wake up with one too.

grace-tattoed for life

2011-03-18T00:50:00.000+07:00

i suffered cold water today out of my stupidity.
so i turned off the water heater and racked my brain on how to turn it on again on the next shower.
i tried this and that button and checked whatever cable to whichever side of the tank or pipe.
just to find out that it's simply not connected to the electricity.
apparently the socket became loose when i turned off the power the last time.
stupid. but happens.

we heard this story twice thrice at least. we laugh it off. we "yea, that happens" it.

when things are not working in life, we try to fix the problem. and we start going deep and wide of the root of the problem. we change the settings and hope things work out best.
but oh dear, sometimes we just forget to plug it in.
we might just simply forget that we're not connected to the source. say again, Source.

go plugged in. x

Hello Hangzhou!

2011-03-12T12:46:00.002+07:00

quick update.
so my first thought was:
"WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?"
i should be in Bandung -or Guilin.

However i always felt drawn to this city. I always know that this is my wilderness.
And i shall embrace.

Now it felt right, albeit i'm only here for good 3-4 days.

Running my own errand, get lost somewhere, take random bus, eat whatever food i found attractive, speak to whichever person, exploring by myself deng deng; are the stuffs that i never did back in my well-informed; safe environment Beijing life.

Already met interesting peoples, already spoke with whole bunch of chinese students (albeit most in english), already walked few good kms looking for street. Already impacted. Already amazed. Already had food for thought. Already went wild in my mind. So much i can tell in details but let me shift focus from me...to..

Japan's earthquake.
It's heartbreaking looking at the pictures, reading the news and stories. Such sadness and helplessness imparted so strongly inside. Despite how amazing a person could be, who is he/she to deny such power bigger than himself/herself. And how simple it is for us to pass it off as a news. The world is wounded, yet again. Recently i heard the story of Merapi too, first handed and i was struck.

While i'm in this new wonder of this land of strangers, something big is happening. It's so independent from us that we could care less but see if we get out from the frame of ourselves....there's just so much more.

~so much overwhelmed here. i'll take time writing later.

have a blessed saturday everyone~

we

2011-02-26T22:38:00.003+07:00

Million times it crossed my mind "How would you describe your relationship with God?"

I always know the answer but i find it disturbing to answer: "WILD! RAW! NAKED!"

GOD is my hurricane; my thunderstorm; my raging fire - and i'm His captive. When He knitted my life, He must have carefully think of me- and how to woe me. My God is a rough man as much as he's a cultured man.

Years go by since i lay my life before His feet and never once i regret even through my breaking and my cry. In fact, in my cry and my breaking - I am made well.

It's only in doubts, He can give me assurance. Only in fear, He shows me peace. And i'm honoured whenever i remember He breathes the stars yet He collects my tears. He's my impossible God.

He whispers me "I make you breathe so that I can charm you and take your breathe away!". I mean WOW! You know the feeling when "your breathe is taken away!" - exotic and indescribable.

Another day He says "Be weak in front of Me and I'll make you strong before the world".

One day He's my charming Stranger- mysterious and loving. The more i know Him the more i know that i know nothing at all. And HE attracts me. He lures me.

One day He's my beloved Father- showing me kindness and mercy. And some other day He's the King of All Mighty Trees. but He's mine! He's mine! no matter what. as i am His.

He told me secrets. Knowledge and wisdom. Perspective i'd never bear if i don't follow His lead. I desire His eyes - see the broken world He sees. I desire His mind - which think of the least of all. I desire His heart - of overwhelming hope and loves. I desire everything of Him - to glorify Him.

I can't begin to understand the vastness of He but for sure people say "Let's have a life where people can see how much we love God" - that's too, yes, that's too - but i want such a life that SHOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME.

Now i'm in this journey that i never thought He'd give me. Not in this way. But now He helps me knocking down another walls of me. Insecurity and fear would definitely spring up but where is readiness come from but from Him. And it's not just mine.

And i'll pray. Repeatedly pray. Why should i get tired of requesting and praying when He's not tired of listening those requests and cries? I mean, He has the harder job here - try listening to the same request over and over again *chuckles*

Shall i remember always; to be broken before Him.

in stillness and in quietness - He's God. in storm and in quakes - He's God. from archaic to avant-garde - He's God. from never to forever - He's God.
and i have relationship with that God.
it is wild. it is raw. and it is naked.

x

abstraction to application

2011-02-16T12:41:00.000+07:00

is the challenge.

human branding system

2011-02-12T14:39:00.003+07:00

Gucci is for classy.

McDonald is for fast- or junk food.

To every person there is a different labeling when we come across a product. Everything is branded; labeled for an or several adjectives. But the brand message itself does not appear out of thin air. it was made, then perceived. For every branding there are costs and strategic planning. And to brand life, there's a fluctuation. To create a successful branding is one thing but to prolong the life of grand brand, it takes a continues effort.

If human is a product, then we definitely need some branding to do. The world is the market and your community (friend, colleague and family) is your target market. How do we brand ourselves?

theIMAGE: careful what you do
before the product take-off, you plan your brand image's messages. before you debut into community, we all know how do we want people to perceive us. A cool beauty or a cute friend? A "do not mess around with me" or "would listen and care". There are plenty attributes we want to put on ourselves. All for all, we believe it's always the positive one. now the tricky part is how to link your desired-images you want to build to your day-to-day appearance/attitudes. When we talk about "trustworthy" we don't just expect "he would not share my secret to anyone else" but to the simplest detail of "punctual when it comes to promises". When you have predicate of being late all the time, it'd affect your "trustworthy" attribute as a whole. Say, you are in a meeting and you need someone to deliver the project date as soon as possible. You'd call someone who you TRUST he could deliver in great manner, not just someone you trust with your secret. So careful what you do, it carries the whole image of you. You can't be a nice person, when you easily get angry when provoked.

theCOMMUNICATION: careful what you say
When you start your branding, it does not mean that the market would perceive it the way you are. You need to communicate your brand. The shares of dreams, perspectives to the political views play here. You need to reflect what you have inside of you. Do not assume people would understand that you're ready on helping them if you just stand there waiting for them to give you task. Ask them "Is there anything i could do for you?" Your good intention is nothing if you don't work on it; the jobs don't get done. Share your passion too! Share your beauty! What you says also reflects you. The big 2's are DO NOT OVERCOMPROMISE and DO NOT UNDERDELIVER. do not say you'll try you'll be there on time if you know there's a high chance of you being late. disappointment and regret are harder to cope with when it was a high hopes and expectation.

theVALUE: careful what you think
Now, the real deal. A successful brand delivery is nothing when it doesn't balance with the high quality of product. As a high quality product could be doomed to nothing too when it's not supported with great marketing delivery. Keep renewing your personality. Know your SWOT, deal with your weakness and strengthen your strength. Be open to critic and improve. Be careful what you have in your mind, cause it'd flow to your actions and saying. You may appear nice and friendly so people would flock around you. But if you have problem with your value and function, you'd eventually chase them away. So don't be surprised if people suddenly stay away from you, it could be a miss in your branding and product quality delivery. Would you not switch to another internet provider when yours are having IP connection problem most of the time? Remember: a good tree must bear good fruits. It can only bear good fruits! Papaya tree is for papaya. Coconut tree is for coconut tree.

and remember that nothing comes from the ground unless you plow the ground, sew the seed, watering it and giving it nutrient- even stay awake at night so no rat would come around and mess it. it means it needs efforts- continuously on top of it. you can be good one time and not another time. and that you have to take guard against all the enemies that'd like to bring you down. all these'd affect your reaping season; on its quality or even time of reaping. consistent! hard work! be on guard!

nothing grow up on top of the ground so mighty and tall without being rooted strong down below. it means that for your goodness to be shown in the world, you have to be good inside too. mentally, spiritually, physically and socially. how could you forgive when there's no peace inside of you. be rooted. the tallest and mightiest one is the one with the strongest root, so deep into the ground trying to absorb all water and nutrients. and you know where we should be rooted in: the Author of Love and All Mighty Trees.

Let's brand ourselves accordingly. And top of that, to deliver the finest quality ever made.

~tria

the Mubarak departure.

2011-02-12T13:52:00.002+07:00

as today i saw the headnews and read "Egypt rejoices at Mubarak departure"

"Finally!" i imagine all the citizens shout that, both inside their heart to the top of their lungs when they say it out-loud.

And here i'm thinking about Indonesia back 13 years ago when i was 10. Even though i was aware of the crisis, it is not until now that i totally begin to comprehend what happened back then.

We were betrayed. I'm not that much of a nationalist but we were betrayed.
I remember growing up proud - as an Indonesian. I remember laughing with my parents during the election "Golkar it is!" We trusted our leader, Soeharto. And we were deceived. Betrayed.

Despite that there was some "dalang" or mastermind behind the riot, some people with different agenda (yes, politic talks!), the fact is the country felt betrayed. The rising anger escalated fast along with the chaos within the economy. Bank's liquidated, people rush to get their money back, Rupiah kept going down in value (as a result of producing more money to "return" and satisfy the people's demand). Some opportunist (in this note, negative ones) made it worse. National defenses failed, university students' shot in the middle of demonstration. The mass got angrier and angrier to the day when Soeharto cornered to step down on 21 May 1998.

We got what we want. Freedom and democracy, we said.

But truly it's just the beginning. The new era started.

Fastforward to this time, Yudhoyono is in the danger of experiencing the same tragedy. Especially with Egypt's new reformation. Admadiyah and Temanggung incident became the hot topics, aside of Gayus's corruption or older topic of Century's incident. We, average citizens, never really know who really play in this grand Wayang Golek's performance. or who's the man behind the stage, holding one thread to another thread.

And really history is repeating on itself. We learn even from elementary school how we failed to achieve freedom back in Dutch colonial period: people were fighting separately. And that is not until Budi Utomo on 1908 that we started to merge and fight together as one entity. Now see the news and you can easily spot how people defend and attack according to their groups. People at the end of the day, have their own agenda and perspective.

But all for all, I say maybe it's all better this way. There's no regret Indonesia, we're all just in making.

The new day's just started for Egypt today. And really, the "finally" is just another story.
For better or worse, no one can say for absolute. But the journey starts now.

There's so much "finally" in our lives too. But really, that's just indicates that another chapter is soon to be written in your progress diary.

the careful when

2011-02-10T13:32:00.003+07:00

"Start being worry when everything works according to your will..." - once i saw this on one's MSN's status message.

and i thought "that's right". because i think that it's just like the calm before the storm.
or that something fishy's going on as if you're being lied too.
but today i know that it's also right because:

you get used to it.
when you get used to success. when you get used on getting what you want; you forget.
you forget how to be careful. you forget how to appreciate others who get you there. you forget to take time and pondering on your mistake. you stop being innovative and open to new approach. your behaviour changes. at worst, you get cocky. at worst, you're being greedy.

and when you do, things go wrong.

There's this famous Chinese Quote "弄空你的茶杯：nong kong ni de cha bei" or literally translate: "empty your cup of tea". The illustration is pretty straightforward, you can't contain more tea if your cup is full. The tea would be overflowed and it'd be wasted. You can't learn, unless you prepare yourself to be taught.

So you don't even have to wait until everything to work according to your will before your "red alarm" starts to make an awful sound. So be careful when:

1. You think you always right.
You aren't right does not mean that you're wrong. Maybe it's just another perspective added to yours. But when you decide that you always right, you close the door to new lesson, new possibilities, or widen horizons. Be happy when you're proven wrong because now you know what's right. If two women fell in love with a guy thinking he's Mr Right when he's actually a bad person. Who is luckier then, the one who accepted that fact or the one who married the guy believing that he's the one?
Also be happy when you're proven wrong, because things can be much greater than you think it was. Remember if you always right, you don't learn.

2. You work on assumption.
There's a reason why assumption is called assumption: it's taken for granted or without proof. Don't assume that someone understand you, go and talk with the guy. Don't assume that someone would do the job, talk it out and decide. Don't assume everything would go right, go and prepare the prevention plan. Don't go around assuming everything would go wrong, have hope and work it out. Yesterday at work, one guy assume that the filing was another guy's part. and vice versa. Result: the job's not done. Before, my brother assumed that the rental car could not go wrong so he didn't check anything and refused to pay the insurance coverage. The engine turned out to have problem. Result: he lost a handsome money to repair. Back in high school time, a girl assumed another guy liked her and she took distance. The guy found the girl so unpleasing, since she judged that based on one innocent act. Result: their relationship started getting weird. Be careful on your assumption, you don't know where it might lead you.

3. when you start building your kingdom, and not His
cause by then you'd start to satisfy the need of your flesh. one good friend of my father was a great businessman. he was there to help out my pap during the old period. he was active in church and was a decent fine man. but the depth of human hearts no one knows, that's one undeniable fact. but the depth of human hearts, He knows. that too, is an undeniable truth. now his company's collapsing and no one can say anything. He had to move and work hard to just barely life. And in his old grand house we found an altar to worship gods and a part of me felt betrayed. And the scar of betrayal He suffered must be incomparable to mine.

~tria

decision is nothing

2011-02-07T22:34:00.006+07:00

There's so many forces that may drive you to a decision. Some factors pull, some push. Just like migration theory we learn back in primary school. You leave your village because there's no job there (push theory) and that you heard the city has better chance (pull theory).

There's so many feeling playing part too. Fears for example, may keep you from what you're ought to be. On the other hand, it may helps you to stay in the right boundary to grow excellently. Fear of failure keeps you doing your best, or keeps you from doing anything - that is, a choice too.
Dreams, as grand as it sounds, can misled people to illusion and kill them. And by the same grandness, it inspires people to get outside their frame and break their limit.

Another friend illustrates this way. Some are pushed by past. They've seen the good and they want to keep or be even better. Or they've seen the bad and they want to change for better. Some are pulled by future. Aspiration and destination that pull you to keep going. Thank you for present that we can see both (past and future) but not in it.

Maybe, all of these stuff has its own value related to our perspective and background. Put them into a balance and measure them, which one is heavier.

When we decide on something, we become committed and eventually come to agreement with our decision. However that doesn't mean we immune to the "what if"
Today i thought "What if i took the other way, if i move from one interview to another interview and work under people, would i still make it? Without this family business, would i survive well?"
And my God said "You silly, why are you still doubting. if you succeed in this way, you definitely success on the other way too. Cause it's you that I forge, not the way". With that my curiosity of the other possibilities, vanished into thin air. Let's work on it. And prove it on the only way possible: excel on what is in our hand, what we are doing.

Like i said before, i put all into the equation and balance them. Fear, dream, aspiration, friends, experience, knowledge, wisdom, all the good things, all the worldly things, fame, status, money, family....all of them has their own values and priorities on me. But even if they're all put together in one bucket and i balance them; the scale would be broken when it's God in the other end. He's no comparison.

It does not matter the way or where and when. It matters what makes you there. The same component in these vast possibilities is ourselves. We're the subject of improvement; of the GREAT PLAN; not the way itself. Pull yourself together, for you're going for an amazing journey!

You live it. Way is just a way, if no one does not go from one end to another end to go across the land. It does not serve any function. It's meaningless. So it's decision.
It's nothing until you live it. So why struggle like it's the end of the world to reach it? You ought to struggle after you choose one and live it.

Even faith hope and love are actually just nouns for those who don't living it.
And for me, they are all just fancy words if God's not included.

~tria

the best and more

2011-01-31T09:31:00.003+07:00

"MY ways are higher than yours..."

Maybe it has became second nature for us to respond "God has the best plan" whenever we're placed in storm. Maybe it has become so well-installed in our flesh, mind and spirit that God prepares the best so "All is well". His Word is true. His promises are sure.

that we forget to...
1. ASK.
You know God would help you against temptation. You know that you'd succeed in your life. You know He'd prepare you a man of Him to stand as your life-partner. So ASK! Ask for wisdom, ask for courage, ask for the opportunity, ask for the man, ask for the knowledge!
Sometimes it's easier to "just believe" than to ask and find ourselves disappointed. Yes HE provides you the best, still ASK. For by asking, you're being active in your relationship with Him. There's a fundamental difference in "believing" just because we know it's true and "ask and believe". believing God is God, is universal. now asking and believing in Him, is personal.

2. PREPARE
the story of man of faith: during the drought, there's two farmers pray for rain. but only one man wakes up everyday, working on his field. Which one of these have the faith that the rain would come? Which one are you?
Now the promise; the best for sure would be yours. Your outstanding job. Your fruitful study. Your mighty spouse etc etc. But when they're still on the way, would we be busy on preparing ourselves? Being hardworking on preparing the field. Spend the crazy amount of workload under the heavy sun blaze, plow the grounds, sew the seeds, nurture them even stay awake at night so no thief would come and steal. Would you, be faithful on small things? Would you work out on your bad habits, crooked perspectives? Would you, willing to be criticized, to be put into the fire?
For I tell you, the RAIN IS COMING. the rain is coming.

x tria

the don'ts

2011-01-30T23:57:00.002+07:00

1. don't delay jobs.
2. don't procrastinating
3. don't be late
4. don't make empty promises
5. don't walk alone without God

the no.1

2011-01-11T14:36:00.001+07:00

so what if 2010 has been mind-blowing?
so what if 2010 has been a severe pain in the head?

it's 2011!

human has tendency to linger. attached. chained. took delight in stuffs.
be it things of a past: the dark and painful memories to record-breaking success.
be it things a future: the fear of uncertainties to the "big enchanting dreams"

human compares.
based on past experience. based on future expectation.

i for one too, am the same.
i took pleasure in my engraved pain. my fear of tomorrow.
i took pleasure in my past glory. my overwhelming potentials.
i took pleasure on both good and bad habits.
i dwelled in all of those.

and it's not whether what's good or what's bad.
it's just what is required of me to ever-charging. to move from one strength to another strength.
and the one part of it is to: RELEASE.

those things (the good, the bad, the mediocre) are my possession.
and it's on my own decision to keep it or release it.

"i'm the kid with the Lego who felt forced to go to Disneyland; not knowing that Disneyland's fun would outbeat the Lego's fun. I'm that kid who sit on the car; all grumbled, crossed-handed and thinking of my Lego game"

it's funny to think that at one point, it's required for you to "throw away" your good stuffs. but if you're moving to Japan; no matter how rich you are in AUD, you can't use it in Japan. You need your Yen currency. but if you keep comparing your past surrounding, how would you appreciate your current surrounding? and I don't want to glorify myself in the amount of copper i own, when it's already the Iron Age.

i'm throwing my junks. all the childhood pains that scarred my heart. that somehow i kept within me, maybe to certify myself to be wounded and angry towards the world.
i'm throwing my treasures of my history. for my God is ever-charging God that only moves me from strength to strength.
i'm committed on releasing my pleasure too (ie my idol): the wandering minds and pointless imagination. and my bad habits:eg. abusive use of internet.

all of us know this, but frequently forget. to sum up in casual saying:
"You can't fully love your current (or coming) boyfriend if you won't let go on your past boyfriend (lingering on his kindness; getting bitter out of his betrayal or even if you hold on the reason why you break up)"

RELEASE!

shall the lesson learn be learn and now it's the new leaf

for in fact, the old has gone and the new IS HERE.

The day she laughed.

2011-01-05T23:38:00.000+07:00

“Another 5 minutes…”, she snoozed her alarm. That magic wears off after a while, as she understands she has to wake up and start the day. No matter what! I hate being adult, all grown up and mature! as she took a little peek on the today’s sky and see that it was not helping either. The face of the sky was all cloudy and cold. Yes, cold! Living in minus weather was another challenge, like the cherry on the top of cold-served pancake. That was Beijing for you, it wouldn’t complete without the day-to-day fight against the terror weather. Well it’s not always awful but certainly tempt you to slack off and ditch in. She wakes up anyway.

The walk to the bus stop never felt that long. However she decided to be happy. Since she arrived in Beijing, she promised herself to be the master of situation and not the other around. Not long after that she also learned how simple happiness had a double effect there; the city of quick-paced life where people are used of being long-faced and “let’s just pass the day”. There you go, another reason to be happy. For yourself. For others. Let’s be merry today too!

When she passed the university’s gate, she nodded and smile saying “Ni hao!!” to the officers. The 1st time doing that wasn’t easy especially since this culture doesn’t really apply here in Beijing. And the confused face was actually quite a reward on itself. Now that day was the day when it was already like a habit but that day was nothing like the others: she got replied. The officer guard which was the student in army duty.

Officer: “Hi, what’s the matter?” Yes, he used English. Taken by a surprise she said a pretty awful Chinese but gave up midway,
She: “Nothing. Just saying Hi!”
Officer: “Where are you going?”
She: “Hmm, fudao (an additional Chinese class outside the university time)”
There was some disconnected conversation but here’s the bomb:
Officer: “You’re attractive. Would you be my girlfriend?”
Right! She heard those stories before where Chinese people just ask you out out of nowhere; that happened to her several friends before. It’s funny actually that there was no surprise in this one. However she quickly did the polite rejection. Polite headshakes and one-lined smile, “No. Thank you” Yet he jumped the gun: “Marry me!” What’s wrong with these people! So this time was a definite “NO!” and off she went to her bus stop.

When she got back, she was with two friends she met accidentally. She’s having a good time that she forgot what happened. However when she passed the gate again, the guy said “Hi” to her, which apparent to be a big amusement for her two friends.
“What?! You guys are friends now?” he suddenly sparked up. All the sickness he’s been complaining was all gone and he’s just the pure chitty-chatty guy who’s up for some stirred-up hot news.
“Well, kind off” she said. “This and that” so she retold the story to her friends.
“Uuu..you’ve got an admirer. You’ve got an admirer” he continued on teasing. The other friend did not help either, “Why not? You can practice your Chinese” she reasoned. As funny as it sounds, that was no flatter there. And there was no tempting idea either.

As the day ended she actually pretty happy that people took notice on her cheerful attempt. Until she knows, the world does not like that.
2 days after, this guy kept on bugging her. “Marry me! Marry me!” was like a cheap saying to say. She kept saying no, even to the point that she lied that she had boyfriend. But then….then…then something she can’t quite imagine come out from his mouth, “I have one request” he said. Forgive his clumsy English, it took her 3 minutes to finally understand what he was saying; or requesting. The hurtful question of “Then would you have sex with me?”
Disbelief climbed into her eyes. Pain too, thought it felt more real in her heart. What was he’s thinking? What was that? She hoped she didn’t hear it at all. She hoped she was deaf or stupid that she won’t understand. But the word was said, the wound was cut and there was no escaping. It hurts like hell. What in the world was he thinking? Who do he thinks she is?

She wanted to cry. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to slap his face. But she stands still, practically getting angry in Chinese. “Ni tai guo fen le!! Zhen bu hao!” *You’re too much! That’s real bad” and rumbled some more as she took her leave. It doesn’t even matter if her Chinese get understood the right way, he can read her face just as well. The Mr Anger and the Mrs. Pain replaced the nice little girl. He’s a jerk but he sure can see pain and anger. There was an honest shame there and he kept saying “bu hao yi si” and “sorry” relentlessly while half-bowing and hid his face. Again, the word was said, the wound was cut and there was no turn back. It hurts and what hurts linger and what lingers consume the heart. What consumes heart needs healing. And healing, that takes time.
The new day came and it’s harder for her to start the day and pass the gate. She was literally hurt and scared. “Yea, the world sees the sacred sex as freebies, I know that. I always do. But it feels different when someone threw it right into your face”. The night of the same day she happened to see him too, and she quickly hid herself. Ashamed. For something that was not her fault, she was ashamed. Offended. For a million reason she wished she can wipe out.

“I have to forgive” didn’t come as a given. The next day she was up for choir practice. Disappointment crushed her that time. While she forsakes her chance to go skiing with her awesome friends, other members ditch off and didn’t take it as passionately. As you think things could not get any worse, it did.

Same old same old: the snow-balling effects. The weather was extremely cold and she just had her period after a week of delay. So she’s freezing, her underwear needs change, and her mind was occupied with hate and hurtful thoughts “How can he? I was just being nice and this is what I got?” She had appointment on 6 and the bus took the best timing to be late. It’s been 45 minutes and she’s getting more rushed.

“Ok I shall take the cab” she decided. So she hailed one “This address please”. Oh the Beijing accent!!! It took her a while to understand the taxi didn’t want to take her “I’m not going left. I’m going straight. You have to go out” She was sitting there, stared blank in disbelief. Her mind must be frozen as she automatically just dropped off and quickly closed the taxi’s door. Back to square one: waiting for the bus. Or another taxi.
Her mind didn’t stop wondering thought. All the incidents she didn’t seem ready to let go yet no matter how her mind reasoned on how insignificant this matter is. Then she saw someone asking for money; a good interruption in such a bad day. So she took her wallet to give out some change and that’s when “Oh great!”

She lost her bag.

“How can I be so careless!!! “ She’s so doomed. Now that’s what you get when your mind off wonder on some hateful thing, she thought. She felt all weak and teary. However she’s not going into self-blaming session and she’s quick-checked her pocket. Mobile phone: checked! Bus ticket: checked! Room key: checked! She sighed a good release. At least she can get home without making others pick her up (or walk). At least she can get inside her room immediately and not pay any lost-key money. And she can gave her phone a call to help her out. Her best guess was she left it on the taxi. She felt all-stupid but managed to pull herself together. The next thing was to block all the bankcards. She gave her parents quick message: “My bag is lost. Block my BCA card.”
Now she had appointment at 6 and finally the bus came. She’s all down and can easily cancel and mourning in her room. Is that what she’s going to do tho? “Nope babe, not happening. Things are lost so they’re lost. You’ve done your best (call the taxi company and so forth). Now no one is stealing your fun and happiness away!” And things would get restored, 7 folded and more, she believed. Purposed in her mind, she quickly changed and up for German dinner. 7 huge German boys and 3 petite Indonesian girls.

She’s been hearing about these boys all the time. Like how tall they are and so forth but that’s the 1st time she really saw why China is too small for them. The shortest was probably 190cm tall and yes, they are huge for German’s normal too. The dinner was amazing. Sausage, sausage and what was that again that was the specialty dish of German food? Oh yeah, sausage!! She barely knew them but they’ve been such amazing companions. The 1L huge glasses of beers were also entertaining. Each boy gets one, no one needs to fight over it- now that’s such a relief. The bill was pilling up too though. Now that’s a number to be feared off. Especially when she just officially broke. Seriously, it might be the most expensive dinner she’d never afford before thank you to her sane mind. “I couldn’t care less. I had my fun!” she smiled. But she’s wholly treated that night. Not even a penny went out from her cash (no wallet, remember?). That’s mumble jumble. She went home with the thought that she’d treat back. Don’t forget thought, to accept the act with gratitude; with gratefulness that swells badly inside.

Back to her room she’s accepting her parent’s call. She always amazed by her family. Neither her pap or her mam asked her what happened or how much was lost. Neither of them blaming and pointing fingers. They just went down to solution.
She: “I was careless…”
Pap: “So now how we’re gonna send you money?”
She: “Well, either I make account here or you guys ask for new card and send it to me here in Beijing”
Pap: “You just need it for ATM right? Then why don’t I just send you my card and you can use my password and so on. Done?”
*chuckles * Yes, they are amazing parents.
She: “I was thankful tho…” she’s pointing out on how she still got the keys and so forth and her pap laughed. In delight!
Pap: “You lost your stuff but you’re praising?”
She sensed it. It wasn’t a mock. Her pap was swollen with pride. Her pap was proud! By her attitude. By her response to this incident!
She: “Well, you teach me. Life is like business. You open a business and you can’t expect to be always in profit. In some cycle you experienced loss. That’s normal. Don’t cry over it. It’s only a thing! It’s only things!”
Things got lost. Things got restored. Crap happens. That does not bring you down. A few minutes later she’s in great conversation about options and decisions. It was like the refreshing of mind and compliment to the learned positive behaviour.

Now she’s proud too. Plus, as the incident took place, her hatred towards yesterday’s incident also taken away. What’s the big deal? Now all the attitude is pretty. All is notable.

Life is not good again. Life is always good.
That day she got the laugh. That day she laughed at the evil. She sees how desperate the evil is to get her down. And the enemy only gets desperate when they’re losing. “I’m winning” she said. When things try to get you down, that just means that you're good. Laugh on how desperate the evil is. Laugh as the day wears surprises and thrills.

---
Now the day after is Sunday. She’s all set to get renew whatever card she needed. There’s another birthday party to go and she’s all refreshed. She’s not even thinking that her bag could ever come bag and that it’d restored in another form. However as she went down to lobby floor, the receptionist called

Receptionist: “Are you from room 822?”
She: “Yes”
Receptionist: “Did you lost your bag?”
For a second there was a language barrier there. It was all Chinese words after all.
She: “Hmm…oh!!” *silent *“Oh, lost my bag? Right right! that’s true!”
For a second there was an understanding barrier there. Clearly the receptionist didn’t expect the news to be facts.
Receptionist: “Someone called just now, saying he found your bag” It wasn’t a prank call now she knows. “He left his number, you can call him back”
For a second there was a disbelief barrier there.

She, eyes all wide, “Ok. Thank you”

That’s another day she got to laugh. However, it just one out of her millions.

~based on true story. Beijing 2010

the power of "continue"

2011-01-04T15:14:00.001+07:00

2011.

"That's the thing. Forgiveness is not a one-off thing. It's not a past, a present or even a future. It's just continuously demanded. One time you forgive, you forget. the next time they hurt you the same way they did. And you gotta forgive again." And it doesn't help when it happens in daily-basis.

I don't know how does it feel to be hurt continuously. Most of my pain are healed wounds with some ugly scars. But talking about "to continue", it speaks something.

In life, you have to continue.

Some nail an HD mark and rejoice. Some others won lottery and they become ecstatic. Some other get job, get married, get whatever they dream on and be happy. But how long it will last? How long would it be before they got used to it and expect some more? or how much would it take to CONTINUE the celebration; the joy and the peace?

It's not the situation, not the event. It's the ATTITUDE, it's the CHARACTER.

So i quick bibleway-ed this word and...
John 17:26
I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.

2 Cor 1:10
On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us....

1 John 2:28
continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming

Rev 22:11
Let the one who does wrong continue to do wrong; let the vile person continue to be vile; let the one who does right continue to do right; and let the holy person continue to be holy.

One right thing doesn't make you a right person. One forgiveness doesn't make you a forgiver. Several times of love doesn't make you a lover.

John 17:16 "will continue to make you known" as it's not enough to introduce us once, but to continually do so. Get the idea.

GOD too. He doesn't stop. He continues. HE continues deliver us.
He ain't finish with us yet.

"This time only..." would not make the cut.
In faith, in love, in whatever, we have to continue.

Continue sounds like an easy word but it's a never ending loop.
are you ready to continue?

china 10

2010-11-04T20:49:00.000+07:00

1. dorm's life
is SIMPLY AMAZING! you can just knock each other's door anytime you like, crash anytime you feel like. call through the internal call. studying together in the study room. get your delivery food together and eat in study room. cooking pasta. going around with your pajamas. hanging your clothes on the super-high hanger. funding machine downstairs, supermarket's so close. rushing after hot water hours. tea in your room. and the canteen!

2. parties
all we've been doing are parties. autumn festival with mooncake and beer (yes, drinking game!). halloween's at LAN. wigs, masks and just silly stuff. also one birthday party to another (and yes, the surprises (read: ambushes) are rather joyful (read: cruel). eggs, flours, cakes, even tied to tree. ok! run people, run!!!!). we have thanxgiving to come. also Christmas and new year!

3. trips.
from beijing's inside to outside. so far is qingdao (the beer!) during autumn-mooncake festival. and the drinking game. then the jiuzhaigou with captivating views. xiang shan which pretty much the mountain of people. nan lu guo xiang, the favourite street shops. nice! weekend, how we love weekends...798 soon. very soon. and the hidden city's noodle. and tea house.

4. cafes.
bean trees, ten years after, bridge. they are so cozy, good for studying and brunch. coffee to green latte. french toast, pancakes and waffles. i'll spend yet another heavy hours studying and having quality time there.

5. foods and goods.
shopping at fuzhuang, xidan whatever. foods: 98kuai japanese buffet, korean bbq and dishes, great chinese foods, french food, and i believe so much more. and the canteen food too. drinks are rather cheap too. soju, rice wine, cocktails. for winter i should get a bottle of wine in my room for blood circulation purpose.

6. PEOPLE!!!!
are just so much fun. i can rattle about them from A to Z and then start again from the Hanzi (Chinese Characters) lol. lebay-ism. cheapo-ness. or whatever. we just gotta have so much fun!! whichever countries too. meet amazing people from whole over the world.

7. polaroid
and so much memories we're gonna make. glad i bought it.

8. language: the studying, the struggling and the delight
is still not natural for me. it's hard to understand why some things (like language) doesn't need an understanding. lol. but i'm taking it one by one no matter how slow i make progresses. wake up early for fudao. back to school (in a good day, cafe is an intermezzo) and start my noon class. go back to dorm, all tired and well rewarded. i'm enjoying the whole of it, down to the tiniest details.

9. exercise
actually so many choices. from kungfu, taichi, kempo (of building 20, 6th floor). from walking, biking and all. but i'm just lack of all *chuckles*. xiang shan incident were rather a good (torturing) walk then XD. go outdoor go indoor. for soul exercise, maybe caligraphy?

10. God and the wrap ups
church is also amazing. bible study and cell group. but it's just God's teaching me more and more. in conclusion, i'm glad i'm here. so much shaping going on. just so much.

~林tria

i took time...

2010-10-14T21:20:00.000+07:00

...to ponder and realize that actually there's so much i can complain about.

makes me even more appreciative.

to describe “good”

2010-09-18T02:26:00.001+07:00

the Lord is good. all the days in my life.
He drives me through the hills and valley.
Shows me the wonders He has made; like the stars He breathed out. or the days He knitted before the start of the time.
From my weakest to my strongest, He is good.
to my fear, He provides peace
to my worries; assurance
to my shame; acceptance
to my sins- He redeemes.
He adds joy to my day. Surprises. Adventure. Abundance. Loves.
My confidence is in Him. My delight is to tremble at His presence.
And i shall never lose heart.
For He is good. O yes He is.
from the rising to the setting to the rising of the sun.

中国北京清华大学－二号九月。林tria。

the staircase

2010-09-18T01:54:00.000+07:00

yes in life there's circles and circles.
we cry over one thing and the next time, we cry again. probably over the same things.

but the life we lead is a circled staircase. even if we circle around, we step into the higher level.
we're climbing through the top. and we'd go from strength to strength - glory to glory, till we appear in Zion.

this very morning i remember again how horrible beijing's pollution is.
yet in that, i witnessed such a beautiful sun setting. full circled with great combination of orange and yellow. and it's visible with naked eyes. funny how the pollution makes it possible to be seen and enjoyed. sometimes in life; everything suddenly makes sense because of the problems and trials. (like a puzzle) and beauty is found; even in the midst of disaster.

this is my circled staircase. tho i circle around, i step higher.
in life so much is challenged. even with God, things can still go wrong. our definition, perspective and psychology may lie in the way of truth. you don't make something true by believing in it. but whether people believe it or not, God still is GOD.

and most of the time we would wake up and realize that things are so much better than we thought it was.

and i'm glad that i'm reminded that for Him; changing the situation is as easy as flipping the palm- but He's more interested on changing my heart. through the storm, i'll dance. through the fire till i be as pure as gold. this circled staircase; i'd step it with His yoke.

i'll sleep and i'll wake up. and when i do, i'm waking up knowing that things are so much better than what i think it is.

You just gotta love....

2010-09-11T15:17:00.000+07:00

it!

Ha! Life in Beijing hasn't quite start for me. Church's tomorrow and school would start next Tuesday and i can't help but being excited. I can't believe i'm a student again. And i'm adapting well...too well?

Dorm is fun! You get to meet new people everyday. Or you can just crash someone's room anytime you like it *chuckles*
And i met A LOT of amazing and interesting people. Their history and psychology- maybe this is why i love people a lot. And if you add vision and purpose into the equation "BOOM" there's just so much to appreciate. Beautiful..beautiful people.

I love living the way i live. "You enjoy everything...too much" said a very good friend of mine. I do. I don't forget to tremble! "Why tremble?" he asked again. Honestly? I just love the word, it's speaking too me. But it took me just 30s to find a way to describe "because it compiles the whole feeling of excitement, thrill, fear, and amazement" what a delight, what a joy. my senses grow raw and wild. i'm glad that i'm feeling.

Life's so much better now that i:
1. Don't try to impress others.
2. Accept that people are better than me.
3. Learn that life is not just about me, or my feeling.
4. Stop comparing.
4+. Etc

OK OK. more honestly?...life is so much better now that i'm enthralled by my mysterious and charming Stranger who is also my generous and tender Lover. My world was dark and gloomy; filled with inferiority, pride and ego. Even now, storms still come and go XD; so is stagnancy (this is an enemy too, ya know?) Well, actually the trials get harder; got so much on my hand too. i'm not sure when it starts changing around. Or how the strength equips me.

to not focus on the problem and get consumed by it. Instead, focus on the solution. And that's Him.

Now should apply that on my romance life *chuckles* I'm just so stupid and indecisive about this. 'm learning a lot now. Romance is..intriguing!

so yea. romance. friendship. job. life. friends. people. future. past.everything. anything.

you just gotta love....it!

the art of letting go

2010-09-07T00:21:00.001+07:00

the art of letting go is not just to forget about him/her.
but to let him/her...let go of you and erase the trace in you inside of him/her.

who doesn't love to leave a piece of himself to live inside of others; especially those who are dear to him?
and now to let go is, to let that desire go away.
you can't tie someone without being tied. that's the deal.
you can't tie someone who don't want to be tied with you either.

maybe we are all just scared.

cuckoo, felipe and asa

2010-08-18T08:54:00.004+07:00

the tale of three birds.

cuckoo is a lovely parakeet. beautiful; protected; sheltered and well fed. all his life he's accustomed to calm and harmless situation. when he's wounded; he's taken care of and he's grateful for what he has. he would sing with his whole heart and chirps on the dancing of the rain. he's content. in his cage, he is content and joyful. he grows up with so much love and he grows tender.

felipe is proud. she knows what she is- strong wings against the wind. she flies high above the sky. she fights over foods. she's been abandoned and wounded; yet she survives. life is harsh- when tornado comes she has to hide quick; when her predator comes she has to run fast. and damn she's good! she's good! she has to migrate when the time comes and again, she survives the high winds and long tides. that is felipe for you- so mighty in the wilderness.

now asa is an ordinary bird. there's nothing special about her. she chirps like other birds. she flies like other birds. she used to envy cuckoo's happy nature and her innocent view of this world. and when she's with felipe, she was amused by felipe's story of braveness and liberation. but now asa is happy too. she finds her reasoning for her existence too. after the long demanding day, she'd say with tender and might, "Let's go back to the nest"

x

the art of driving

2010-08-09T12:56:00.002+07:00

is compelling.

scene 1: you're with friends going somewhere with no-one's quite deciding where to go yet. you're behind your steering wheel; desperate to know where should you turn your way while everyone's just chatting away.
learn: KNOW YOUR DESTINATION

scene 2: now you're deciding on a place you heard was so pretty. problem is, you don't know your way. even with map and navigator, sometimes we lose way. and it gets stressing when you keep going and going and not sure whether you get the way right.
learn: KNOW YOUR DIRECTION

scene 3: all planned, you know where to go and which way is the way. now your driving skill's being tested. what you do when it's raining hard and the road in front of you is empty. Isn't it tempting to just gas your car and take the road? If there's a clear way in front of you, is it necessary to speed yourself up? Or shall you control and maintain the safe speed, avoiding possible crash?
learn: JUSTIFY YOUR SPEED

scene 4: and this car just being so annoying by honking you for no reason really. or to rush you up where there's no point of being rushed. sometimes the light's still red (going green) and this guy just cannot stop honking you. you want to be angry, shall you?
learn: DON'T LET ASSAULTS GET THE WORST OF YOU.

scene 5: so this car tries to overtaking you and you don't like it.
learn: GIVE WAY. Seriously, it doesn't affect you at all. you'll reach your destination at the planned time too.

scene 6: right! now when everything was so smooth, suddenly you're trapped in a huge traffic jam. Everyone's just rushing to get their way. One tries to get ahead of another, like a futile competition really. And you're so afraid that anyone would take your space so you're being so tight on maintaining your distance with previous car. you just don't want to lose.
learn: KEEP YOUR COOL - don't trapped in competition sometimes by losing you're winning. keep wise in your decisions. even in tight condition, we'll make it through- you don't need to take someone's way either.

scene 7: you're all tired and worn out. yet you have to keep driving.
learn: STAY ALERT

the art of driving is compelling. You have to be aware on mostly anything. Your in front, behind, right and left. You have to give signs like when you go right or left or stop. And you have to be aware of signs. When you have to slow down or stop, you take your brake. When overtaking, you analyze surrounding and adjust your speed.

When you drive, sometimes you're in auto mode. Your body just remember. A lot time in life we also in "auto mode"; moving from one day to another with the very some routines and we forget to feel. And sometimes you just got carried away. But even so in auto mode, when driving you have to be alert and aware- keep your eyes wide opens. In life too, know what happens in surrounding, take a good look and response wisely.

For me, driving is like remedy. It slows me down. It's relaxing. And i found so many things and thoughts just by get going. When driving, i'm automated- so it releases some space in my mind to relax; even find inspiration.

x

2010-07-31T19:16:00.001+07:00

i grow up well. thx God

"first time"es

2010-07-31T18:46:00.002+07:00

the plane was still high above the ground and we're about to land. i look out from my window seat; things that i haven't been doing for so long. Familiar with this quote "Aisle seat, please?". Suddenly i'm amazed by the pretty lights that dress Jakarta with ultimate courage. It was beautiful. Period.

now some kind of old memories linger in my mind.
"since when i start forgetting my "first time"s for everything?"
My first time of boarding plane. The excitement to fly and view the earth from above. When i was fighting over the window seat with my bro.
My first time wearing junior high school uniform. I wore it whole day, weeks before the school started, immediately after i bought it.
or my first time having crush. or being praised at work. of nailing great marks. etc.
Where's the EXCITEMENT? The gratitude attitude i wore when i was receiving; or archiving.

Like dream's lost along everyday's hectic and demanding schedule; i too got accustomed on things. get too good on handling stuff. too calm, too collected, and too composed. and that, dear friend, is not a way of having life.

I missed so many moments just by not being excited. i should be, just like my so many "first time"s. feel every moment as if it's my first time, yet treat it as if it's the last.

yes, precious precious precious
God is forever glorious.

a good heartache

2010-06-26T00:29:00.001+07:00

That’s what you called a good heartache.

Night breeze hunts like an assassin on the move.
Cold. Sharp. Dark. Icy….
At times like this, what a pleasure would it be to lie on the beach under the exposure of bright sunshine? And how much would you pay to cuddle under your very own blanket; all cozy and warm?
Yet, aren’t you thankful for the wind that keep you awake while you’re heading home?

Count your steps. Don’t hurry your heart.
Wonder, meditate then let go. Listen, contemplate then move on.
Understand, learn and don’t forget, praise. Above all, be thankful.
This is some kind of heartache you want to treasure a lifetime

The dawn sky is being stingy too. Just a blank dark blue. So secretive about stars and all of their twinkles.
Does it forget how to mesmerize the people in a journey? Or were the stars run to another galaxy? Or lost their lights?
Yet, aren’t you thankful that it wasn’t enough to swallow you into a deep darkness? Aren’t you thankful that it was dawn and the sun is heading to work?

Hear your heartbeat. Don’t rush your steps.
Be liberated and free. Finish your race, win and remember to feel.
Breathe, see, touch, sense and smell. Know by heart, by mind and by sense. Above all, be graceful.
There always lesson you can whisper to resurrect someone from the dead. Some kind of heartache that you’d be proud of.

Laugh things off. Some things would go from matter to nothing at all.
Temporary things would fade. Stop shuddering things that hold you back. Or down.
Rather, remember the shiver you wear when you heart aches….
Remember the trill and the treasure.
Remember grace.

Sunshine would kiss your cheek like a lover in the move
Morning sky would be generous too. It would dress you with abundant lights and all their sparks.
A good heartache would tear you off and mend you back.
Aren't you thankful that it aches? Aren't you thankful that it was in your heart and no place else?

~pancakes the rock 28July09 AM

confession

2010-06-24T13:07:00.002+07:00

the more i walk this road, i get less of "wahhh, i've achieved so much" and more "i truly am small and nothing". when you hit the point of revelation, maybe many of which u hold hard in your past are considered nothing.

i am a romantic realist and there's an unending list on the things i'd ponder my whole life.
isn't it relieving that i have my whole life to do things i want to do?

whether something is good or not. or what is and what not.
the confession really is, "i don't know"

travelogue 2010

2010-06-18T12:37:00.014+07:00

Australia [00 - 11 Jan]
The way i "devoured" Australia for the last time was rather memorable. From South Coast, Melbourne to the very taste of Sydney itself. Let me recount: fireworks, beaches and snorkeling, good food and amazing company. It was festive. It was everyday life. Yes, i hate goodbyes too. Then again, is that such thing like real goodbye- with pieces of them left you some treasures of heart? I was content.

Javajazz [5-7 March]
Quite an experience. The jazz was absolutely swoop me away by its swings and melodies. The concert experience was rather full of sweats and excited crowds. I feel lucky i'm tall and all- i survive better. From local artist like Glenn Fredly to international one like John Legend.

Taiwan [14-16 March]
It's June as i write this, now it's like a faint memory. Taiwan didn't impress me the way it should. The foods were grand but somehow bland. Temples. Riding boat alongside river. and bizarre language. and mingling. I always were more familiar with japanese and korean, so this one awakens my awareness of mandarins. not as bizarre anymore now.

Hong Kong [17-18 March; 6-7 May]
oh the shopping paradise! yes the shopping hedonism. ps. lost my hk pics, but basically it's just shopping and shopping. instead, i put for you- HK's pavilion in shanghai expo.

Singapore [21-24 March; 11-14 May]
this ones were more like responsibility. Leading crowds of 60 and 30ish weren't that easy. I would quote Clarke Quay tho; the memorable night with a couple of old friends- the future leaders and aspiring world rockers. Universal Studio was actually decent despite the heat and the queue. The rides were considered new, lots involving dark space and thrilling moments. i'd love to go back with some extreme riders fella. back to goldcoast day..

Turkey [16-23 March]
I'm drawn to this country for a lot of reason. Naturally beautiful and historically amazing. This place holds mystery...and serenity. Somehow the bible days got crossed with the people history. You got the story of TROY, Alexander the Great, Constantine, Sultan Ottoman's legacy- also the Anatolia story to the Paul's ministry in Minor Asia- ie like Ephesus. You got a 97% muslims country with plenty of christianity relics. John's tomb, Virgin's Mary house, Noah's ark Mt. Ararat, Cappadocia and other 7 churches mentioned in Revelation. ps i lost most of my scenic pics, leaving me w/ some from my mom's cam only

UK [27 March - 5 May]
Don't we all love the strong British accent? UK was cloudy but somehow smiley for me. Looks like Sydney a lot- just more moody. Castles! I love Edinburg the best: park, rivers, old building, gothic churches, castle by the cliff, blossoming cherry blossom and well-paced people. London's also scenic with old historical buildings and that funky trademark of red telephone boxes. Yet it was a vast greenery whenever you travel in sub-areas. and yea also...soccer.

Macau [5-6 May]
I learn some basic casino games. Good knowledge. The rest was just Venesian day- if you've been there you'd understand this. and Starbucks's Green Tea Blended Black Sesame was terrific! Great daughter-father chat too. Let's make our parents proud!

Bali [21-23 May]
Tulamben was beautiful! Swim and beneath you is the vast fish nest. Wrecked ships and some other sea species. We brought some bread for fish food so the big fishes would gather (literally) surrounding your body. Food? Did i mention "babi guling" and 'Take', a Jap resto i happen to be so spectacular. plus it's my cousin's wed- was beautiful. hot but so ready.

China [7-17 June]
China experience was still vivid. From the day i landed in Beijing's foggy land to the Shanghai's expo nations. I've concluded China has no sky; only blinding white background. Tired legs. Merry hearts. Good massage time! Great company! Random day. Queue day. We have newly found words called human-traffic; EXPO is a history in the making. Gardens, temples, pagodas, foods, culture shock, fast-paced tendency, deceived and 'funky attitude'. Just embrace!! :)

end note. Man, it's 1000+ photos for each travel, so yeah, hectic choice. i just pick whatever. Travelling does me good. I've got revelations now and then. Yes, i've been around a lot. with some works as burden, some inspirations as drive and future aspirations as direction.

xoxo, tria

the blog has died

2010-04-24T23:23:00.002+07:00

the blog has died! hey, i say again: the blog has died!!

so there is a msg come into my phone: "Hey! how's lifee?"
and i thought "right, here we go again!"

Life is a sugar coated cotton candy. Overwhelmingly sweet that i can taste no more. And my head gets dizzy. Time stops for me as i'm counting days down on travels and long hauls journey.
However there is a serious development within my world. Beyond the box i've been living, dancing and chirping. There are smokes and paradigms and more harder stuff i can't quite digest myself.

i'm hanged with questions -eventually lead to one answer of JESUS but provoking further question on (basically) how to make it works and makes sense for the rest of the world.

in no man's land, i'm asking for a man of authority. and how that makes sense? there's too much of things that are a double-edged swords. even wisdom has its own trap. there's too much facts i stopped being aware of but instead get dirty with them. but why again a child of light should be living in the middle lights and lose his charms. why try so hard being strong; when it's only materialized when you accept that you're weak. why stop being romantic and start being a hard-rooted realist when you can dream of unexplainable words.

oh btw, the blog has died! yes, the blog has died.

weirdos

2010-04-06T16:45:00.001+07:00

weirdos don't yell each other "weirdos!"

age

2010-03-26T23:54:00.004+07:00

recently i thought...

1. people get more predictable as they grow older- or wiser. not that they have lost their innocence or honestly. it's because they're grounded; know their purpose and their passion. act in their belief and relatively more experienced communicator.

2. when i was a kid, i loved being referred as a genius or a smart kid. i didn't try much but taa-daa, i nailed things. but as you add age, it's more of something when you being recognized of your hard work and not merely talent. we don't have it easy.

i said or thought quite a good thing yest, can't seem to remember it. well anyway...
how's ur life? delicious?

shortie

2010-03-19T11:02:00.003+07:00

updates.

#1. it's ironic how Indonesia is the second BB users in the world yet you won't find Jakarta or Indonesia for the time zone of GMT +7. You'll only find Bangkok and Krasnoyarsk, apparently a beautiful city in Russia.

#2. googling my name trying to ensure i have no trace in the web world whatsoever and fancy finding my IELTS result, put by my teacher (for 3times meeting). lucky it's not a shameful mark.

#3. Hong Kong is an admirable city; building roads and trains across the seas; through the hills and connecting the islands. Pity people live in a blocked apartment like a bird nest. I guess it's right when someone told me "If you never go outside Indonesia, you never know how blessed this country is" Doubling my admire to countries such as Singapore and HK.

#4. How about DISNEYLAND's HK for holiday plan? The shopping district is worthwhile too. Plus, it's easy to get around (train and everything) and people generally speak at least basic english.

#5. My pal (literally just) sms-ed me asking bout IELTS's workshop. (i was up to point 3) I told her to google my name.

#6. I better back to work. Break almost over.

i want.....

2010-02-26T18:56:00.002+07:00

i want....dokodemo door *go-anywhere door*.

Hero Series #01: Biju Thampy

2010-02-26T15:10:00.000+07:00

Hero Series #01: Biju Thampy

Starting on this series, I thought I should have start with someone personal like my pap or someone global like Tony Blair. I have a few names in the list and oh well- fact is it would be written in such slow motion. Anw I decided on Biju Thampy and how his simple faith impacts me.

“The love of God cannot be measured, but it can be demonstrated”

That was the simple saying that comes out from his mouth. Whole my time I know his name through church ministries that’s work hand in hand with his project. Biju Thampy is one passionate Indian guy who works in helping poor children and get them out of the street. His mission is to equip, to educate, to make them able to stand on their feet one day. However it ain’t that easy, no? Like Indonesia, India’s slums is beyond what people in developed country may ever know.

His way is simple, and maybe sounded faint. He has buses that picks children around every day where he gives them food, educate and inspire them on what they’re made for.

One day finally I heard him preaching on my own church’s stage. There he was with his strong Indian accent I hardly understand. All I know he was talking about grace. People in India believes that if they’ll get reincarnated after their death. The incarnation would depends on your good will. In this life you’re a human, the next one you could be a dog, the next next one maybe a bee: it gets smaller just like that until you’re done.
“Isn’t that sad” he mentioned. I sense a great need from his spirit how he longs to lead his people on meeting the one and only God- whose love is abundant and never ending; whose promise is absolute and everlasting. What really got me is when he was shouting so passionately:
“A kitchen is coming!!! A kitchen is coming!!!”
Maybe you won’t get it why I get excited, but know that my church has plenty of wonderful testimonies coming from all over the world. We have Marilyn Skinner whose head was once shot by a gun (3times if I’m not wrong) and escaped the death when no bullets came out of the gun; only to found that the weapon was fully loaded. What a M-I-R-A-C-L-E. We heard the Watoto ministry helping out kids and women, even to the point that they were also trusted with the kids and wifes of the country’s own enemy (the leader of the rebellion). We heard of Christine Caine whose passion is to liberate people from slavery. Who works with the people with high authority and deals with mafia. Who once asked whether she has insurance for abduction cause it’s very possible would happen to her.

And here we had one Indian guy shouting: “A KITCHEN IS COMING!!!!!”
What….seriously what a passion! Stand before a congregation and shout his passion like a little kid finally find out he can draw. I notice how the congregation was kind of shocked at first; maybe unfamiliar with his strong accent too. But his spirit speaks louder and people start responding wildly the second time he shouted it.

As an Indonesian myself, I often wonder how to save the community. Scared of the different religion, scared of the different identity and we often concluded on “Yea it would be hard or useless”…and we would mention all the difficulties. Expect from giving jobs, I don’t see any visible way. Either it would be faint or too small to make a difference. We want a one big and great change, so lazy on starting on the small. But here one guy, so real and so humble…starting with his own small circle and believing it would gets bigger. What a vision! I get stirred up.

“A kitchen is coming!” and it’s not just a kitchen. What is so insignificant about it? It’s a new step forward- to the dream trusted into this very man. It sounds real and possible, even for the kind of us. As for him, as as long he lives the spirit, I believe it would getting more passionate people on the board and we would see the country’s changing. “A kitchen is coming”, would that come a day where I can mention a humble and small achievement that would open the door to dream trusted on me?

Let’s change the nation.

be filial

2010-01-25T20:20:00.000+07:00

is

2010-01-25T17:19:00.000+07:00

Business is dirty.
Human is corrupt.
World is....fragile. And sad.

Thank you for faith.
Thank you for love.
Thank you for hope.

the weight of it all

2010-01-17T22:34:00.007+07:00

One preacher said one time; commenting on Paul's celibacy:
"Well, it's good. tho in my humble opinion, if you wanna know whether you'd still follow Jesus hi and lo, try getting married!!"
That's a perfect indication on how hard it is to keep your relationship shaped well with 24/7 close contacts. Vividly i remember how the audiences welcomed that idea too. I guess everybody knows as everybody suffers the same dilemma.

So one said "if you want to get independent, get out from your home and be responsible for your own life!". Which is true.

But how about being independence despite being surrounded by your family where it's inescapable that they'd meddle (intentional non intentionally, or whether they use a "straightforward" approach to "sneaky" one) your affairs. Which can be lovely and encouraging, and "too much" at some other time. It's like constant reminder. Consistent bystanders who really, do more than just seeing.

It's easier to do life as if it's only for you. But seriously, you ain't living for yourself only. When you add others into the equation, here comes the challenge!

*got the proper doses on excitement for my own sedated self*

lessons lately?
1. see "blessings" as "talents". Meaning, more than just appreciating the things you have, maybe we can work on the 'things', multiply it and bear fruits out of it. Eg. "good friendship" is more than blessing as we can encourage each other or work some project together to impact others. or "financially adequate" is more than a blessing for you can work on it and produce more benefits.

2. the things i've learn the most from my adorable family are HARD WORK and GENEROSITY. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. So hard work is needed to defeat the flesh. Get yourself out of your laziness (whether it's comfort or idleness or whatever) and start act on your will. If you're being consistent and persistent on one thing, it hardly fails. Things won't start happening just because your mind thinks it would. Now what follows next matters: generosity. Believe as you generously give, you'd generously receive. Don't hold things for yourself, don't let it 'stop' at you. Your hand cannot hold to much anyway, why not being a blessing tunnels?

3. attitude towards money is important. hard-earned money is the best, now how you'd treasure it? Would it spend it as you please, or save it as much as you could? Money comes and goes. You get it, you lose it. Remember one fact: you can always earn it. Never, just NEVER get attached to money. Be thrifty and spend what you need to spend. Being prudent in your expense is important, but never be overly protective towards it. You CAN earn it back.

4. thank to my adoring brother, i finally realize (read: cannot escape the fact no more) that my span is short if i want to have my dream life as an adoring housewife and mother *chuckles*. that's ok; let's work on what we have in our hand at the moment.

if you ask me "how's hometown?", it would sound "do i make the right decision to come back?" to my unwavering soul. Many things are still unproven- yet! And my heart still torn into two. Tho my resolution of "you can get both if you just tweak the way your mind thinks just a little bit" is still true for me; the realization is ain't that easy. But at the end of every wandering thoughts, i still say "i did the right thing". and JOY is on my checklist, so all's as spectacular.

G'day Sydneysiders!

2010-01-12T03:29:00.002+07:00

Thank you, darling!

2010-01-07T12:29:00.000+07:00

what's the cost of being stubborn?

the 1st 5

2010-01-05T17:00:00.004+07:00

#day -1: THE WAITING
no, there were no new year resolution wrapped up on my mind whatsoever. after the 'shop till we drop' i indulged in since the 26dec boxing day, i know better that i should stay low profile in expenses. so 31 was pretty much winding through the time and situations. Sat there by the Blue Point, awaiting the countdown; with a little picnic on the side, best spot, and merry hearts.

#hour 'in between' 0: FIREWORKS
Sydney does earn its reputation. I still lost count on how many fireworks dancing inside my eyes. The harbour was right before our eyes, the city on its left and the another fireworks right above us. We had plenty of eye catching goodies there. The spectacular individual fireworks. And the whole stage. The sounds were rather glamorous too, thumping my heart "duar duar duar". I thought i almost lost it in the action....Beautiful sight, end of note.

#day 01: SNORKELING
the idea tainted me, "isn't that cool to spend your 1st day by the beach, snorkeling and swim with the sea?" So i gained my troops and hit Clovelly Bay. Another day spent in a splendid memorable way. Had pasta and beer afterward, continued with homemade French Toast i always proud of. And "What Dream May Come" as a closing, a brilliant portrayal by Robin Williams in this remarkably imaginative movie.

#day 02: THE CANCELLATION
i had Jervis Bay checked that day. sadly it's canceled so i turned to home-style quality time spending. there were ugliness showing so this was the day i shall take count. Night were another movie watching. This time we tried"Shawshanks Redemption", and redemption works perfectly pretty for me.

#day 03: THE ARRIVAL, THE CHURCH and PLENTY FOODS
so my pal came over for melb and we had big treats. Brunch yum cha was satisfying, prob the best i've tried in Syd. We hit Cabramatta for small snacks (yea i know, we travelled far for snacks!) and i got myself plenty of sweets. The train was undergo some trackwork so we actually caught bus from Granville. Long journey, long excitement. Lowenbrau + Mango beer were a good ending. note is, i got R. Fergusson for 5 to 6 weeks straight!! It's rare seriously - usually you get a good mix of preachers. Such a hero, he is.

#day 04: MOODLE
that day was yet another day of good food trips. sushi and thai. and cupcakes! what worth mentioning was to bring moodle (maltese x poodle puppy) out for walk. he's a friend's 4yrs old puppy and totally adorable. that was the 1st time he socialized with some other dogs and i found it hilarious. so we met plenty of ppl (n their dogs) and played around with them too. moodle earned "oh, he's so cuddly" and "look! look! fluffy puppy!" and so on. adorable....he went from "i think he's scared. don't worry, my dog doesn't bite. she just wants to smell..." to "wow, he's brave, isn't he? he doesn't get scared of big dogs. i heard dogs don't know size" (he was up againts 2 labradors, 4 to 5 times his size). And a good talk. I said things i think i need to remember: "It's easier to live and forgiving other's mistake (/imperfection). Rather than living and expecting them to correct their mistakes (/to be perfect)"

#day 05: JELLYFISH
another snorkeling day. it was Cabbage Tree Bay in Manly. The parking lot was playing tricks on us; luckily we survived. I enjoyed the snorkeling. It's much more "in the open sea" and i swam quite far and deep. Amusingly, i get myself stung by jellyfish. Go figure. It stings! I got it right on my face too, and my hand. It was amazingly painful and for a quick second i got panicked. Felt as if i was electrocuted. Quickly i removed the "thread" from my face a.k.a the jellyfish's part of body or something (it's kinda stick to my face) and it seriously stings. Feels like electricity runs there and for in glance i see something blue-ish surroundings the 'thread'. i did the right thing. well, i swam back. it swelled a bit (and stings A LOT!). take the shower, then i just bear the pain. Such a horror. I survived, and was an interesting experience. i think i get slightly 'more adventurous' just by chance. Chastwood was next. And now indulging on Japanese's composer musics....

and yes, i'm reasonably tanned.

2009-12-17T13:30:00.003+07:00

ARISE! from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you--rise to a new life! SHINE (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your LIGHT has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!
Isaiah 60:1 (Amplified Bible)

Gratitude

2009-12-17T00:53:00.008+07:00

Seems like i couldn't help it but to start blogging with weather report. That day was another cloudy day. Melbourne was unexpectedly serving me a cold dish of wind and chills. Quickly grabbing my pastel yellow hoodie and changing my shorts into trousers were clearly a wise choice considering how quickly i got lost in next few hours. OK, let's call it a 'friendly neighborhood visit' that i indeed, enjoyed to my heart content. Melbourne offers spectacle city view- classic outlook that blends with modernization. Love every alleys that happens to be decorated with cafes and graffiti. And the next block you get yourself a classic church architecture and yet another set of wide roads crowded with trems.

Thankfully Melbourne warming up quickly to me. She's been a cheerful companion since after. Chirping and talkative if i have to describe with human wording. Or hot as ever, if you demand a practical improvisation. We drove to Dandenong that was around an 1hr drive from city. I found myself fond of driving and surely it improved my confidence in driving. Was driving in Syd's regional too and naturally liking it. Well anyway, Dandenong was a nice little area where we indulge scenery. We played a little maze garden game, a short hiking and plenty plenty photos. We had fun. And we had beautiful lunch. Cute and lovely Ms Marples' teahouse specialises on the firm yet soft scones, melts into your mouth together with best quality cream and jam. A generous portion on top of it. Potatoes and leek soup was a good choice after though Stella's meat pie was beyond ordinary- a terribly wonderful blend of baked potatoes and meat. Mild...yet so...tasty. Feels like eating the healthiest meat pie or the healthiest cream- tho it all might be a one-sided illusion. Also the dessert...the sticky touffle pudding and sundae~ *ehem* Greedy you say? Oh! We love it! We thought we would held well till the end of that day~ but when we were before porks, meats and korean b.b.q (with best service ever) when the day turned night...we were once more...just mere helpless greedy creatures.

Well, before we get into that part; William Rickett's Santuary was a mystical journey. Beauty and tranquility merges in a quite and still sculptures that were scattered within the nature. The next after were cherry picking. Yare yare yara, we just simply dig it! Red-blooded cherries that tastes best when you pick and eat at the very same second. That day....was an adventure that works in slow motion.

From Blue Mt hiking to Kangoroo's Valley canoeing to exploring Sydney Southern Beaches to Melbourne adventure. Vast blue sky, endless sea, peaceful waters, green floor of grass, even authentic architecture - how come i'm not sure that such beauties are made for our pleasure. Eyes witness all colors and wonders. A giant picturesque painted by the mighty hands of the Designer. Ears listen to the humming birds that spell magic in the midst of nature. The sound of the winds coming back home and the sound of the forest marching a summer parade- just as the Composer leads the orchestra. Your breathe tells you you're there- in middle of it all. And what's left is abundant gratitude. I'm living in the middle of magnificent wonders and i'm living in the chapter of untried history. And when you remember you're a living wonder yourself, gratitude swells badly inside. Over and over again.

My spirit sings.

Plus, christmas is coming...

Let's go for a trip?

vitas

2009-12-11T13:37:00.002+07:00

#1 pop russian singer, Vitas

maybe after this, you'd like to browse his live concert too...so out this world at times...

best coke ever

2009-12-07T19:41:00.003+07:00

i need to write down this one real quickly, before all the excitement magic fades away..

so i started my day battling to wake up. i knew i promised for blue mt but it was far to repetitious for me. but i did anyway....and little did i know i would find myself in the middle of of nowhere, hours from there.

we missed the train and we started late for hiking (we just reached blue mt at 1 which equal to quick lunch). We hold on our 34bucks which means no explorer bus. and we just walk...walk..and more walk.

oh pretty! i never know blue mt can be so magical. basically this is a long tiring, rewarding 6 hrs hiking. We went down to the bottom of the three sisters and we walked the trail no matter how hideous it could be. soon we run out of water and we practically lost. steps and more steps. imagine the way back up there, with plenty..heaps...hilarious numbers of steps!

"so we walk by faith..and not by sight!"
and maybe this is what Colombus felt when he finally reached a land after days on the ship. "WATER!" we shouted like kids longing for some christmas present.

and yes, the best coke is in blue mt!
try our course (that apparently the HARDEST they can offer) and see if we tell you lie.
we even chipped in for that 3.50$ coke. best coke ever so far! anyone there dittoed my comment! that's how we survive the long road after all...we dreamed of coke...cold and icy!

many hilarious and adorable stories i'm to tired to tell right now. yummy thai and hot bath...i'm ready for bed...ugh! my lovely legs! thank you for being such a friendly companion back there...

so for today..
hardwork is more rewarding than mere leisure...

December Hi!

2009-11-30T20:20:00.016+07:00

It's December. Light-lighted blue sky should fill Sydney's summer. Instead, we're having a temperature roller coaster where 41C turned 21C the very next day.

Christmas is coming and i'm not sure what to expect. And i'd leaving this country soon. A lot of things has happened in these 11 months of 2009. Thunderstorm, earthquakes to sandstorms had been hanging around my shoulder- and blinding my path. A lot of quirky stuff happened too. Flings and affairs like steady water flowing down to the big; loud roaring sea. Joining up into one pool of experience, knowledge and wisdom: the sea of life. Craziness. Blissfulness. Fear. Joy. And one certain; sure thing: GOD is on the move.

Little Shine- Small Smile's Theme by Akio Izutsu. I-tunes plays this when i was in the mid of blogging this. It suits the mood, i get hooked.

Is separation a sad thing?, i pondered. This silly heart is bitten hard. And a piece of it would stay here in Sydney, the city where I learn to decide. From all words available, i choose "where i learn to decide" because i make my major decisions here: uni, and all that matters in doing my independent life. What makes me, me. My major decisions happen here, at least so far. And at most, this is where i decided to lay down my life in the One who laid it all. And that, the one thing that changes everything from that day on.

I travel long and wide. I wounded up deep and grudgingly. I get raw. I get wild. I get romanced, adventured and inspired. I get weak and miserable. And i wake up again stronger and humbler.
I have story to tell.
And i have history to make.

Sentimentality is far from my logical dictionary. But letting it be released at such time like this, a cry sounds like a gem to be treasured. Count my cry, all of them are matters and worthy. Let me get overwhelmed and worship like a desperate and longing soul. At the core my every single things: there always GOD.

Now with this vision that starts forming a solid form, i pray for a faith ground where it'd build upon.
i thought i'd only say this on that day only, but i keep saying it: I'm not the same....again.

and here i thought i was about to write a snack writing of going to the beach, brunch, movies and other cities. I thought i was about to write my "to-do-list" in my last days of beloved Sydney. Ideas, dear friends? But something swells badly inside. My heart gets clenched. Squeezed hard that I afraid it shrinks far too much. It doesn't feel all that bad tho. In fact, it is one desirable pain and longing. The feeling lingers. Let's get thump-thump-thump! i'm robbed off my heartbeat sequence. and i don't even make sense.

End words:
Christmas is coming. HE is here.
Celebration is on the way. Salvation is done.

in my utmost longing, and deepest respect; love and blessing
x

snack reading

2009-11-28T16:00:00.024+07:00

lovely how your reading gives your insides away...

this is what my 1st sis-in-law recommend to me: Boku to Kanojo no XXX (Morinaga Ai)
a slapstick comedy romance, an all-in hilarious type. or if you have to describe in one word: "crazy".
the story moves around a boy Akira Uehara with the looks and brain who's so dull and (feminine in a positive meaning). and a girl, Nanako Momoi who has the looks but a total male behaviour. and yes, the boy likes the girl. one day they switched body thanx to a crazy prof (the girl's granpap). Sounds cliche, no? Not really...cause the Momoi enjoys being in the boy's body and eventually fell in love with her own best female mate (she's a boy now so no probs). while the boy's bestie...found out their secret...and yet pursuing the Uehara who's in Momoi's body. things sure gets...complicated...and insane. Full comedy, lively and oh! Quirky!

and this is what my 2nd sis-in-law is reading: Miiko Desu!
See the things from 4 grader's perspective. it can be a good reminder for us adults...Straighforward and innocent. Simple and blameless. I haven't read this one myself, but i guess it's pretty cute, heartwarming and inspiring at times. isn't it always lovely to see things from a child's perspective?

me? i'm totally a josei/seinen reader. it's hard to pick out since it's myself and i fond of quite a numbers of josei/seinen manga. Just read Sahara Mizu/Yumeka Sumomo's book again so maybe i conclude with that for a moment. Plain, straighforward and 'silent'. The wording and the quite flows. At times light, at times heavy. One of some: Watashitachi no Shiawasena Jikan (based on the Korean novel by Gong Ji-Young). Someone who's a suicide-expert, met a man in death-sentence row. From terrible feeling, baggage from the past, deep scar and hurts- to embracing an earnest hope of "I want to live". Dl @ here

a piece of thought bout these n your own reading?

Perception

2009-11-13T12:11:00.001+07:00

A beautiful young lady rode the train with her grandma. In front of them sat one boss and his employer. The train went through a dark tunnels where people can see nothing. In that single minute, they heard two sounds: a kissing sound followed by a slapping sound.

Out from the tunnel, they see the young lady were covering his lips and the boss had a red slapping mark on his face. Now this is how they perceived it in their mind:

Young lady: “How dare is this boss to kiss me! But I’m thankful that I have a grandma who protects me and slap that boss”
Grandma: “How dare is this boss to kiss my granddaughter but I’m proud that she’s return that with one great slap!”
Boss: “Seems like my crazy employer kissed this lady just now. But I wondered why am I the one getting slapped?”
All of them wonder but the employer knows the truth. In that single minute, he managed to kiss the lady….and slap his boss.

~was a great visit to Marnat's Psychology Fac (open house). proud to accomplish the mission on "problem-solver" game!

pop-up! pop-up! pop-up!

2009-11-02T21:59:00.002+07:00

phew~~~ what a great day!

xoxo

we work we play we pray, maybe

2009-10-27T22:59:00.005+07:00

"Let's meet up and share"

the invitation arrived yesterday night when i was busy with my business note. a yes was it and i drove myself to HyperSquare for the second time these last 2 days. I dear talking with friends; sharing some quality time together and dive into them more than meets the eye.

so today i note on some things i've been noting for quite a while: the value of mentality. to be specific to her case: she feels useless and weak that she cannot do much for her troubled beloved. all she can do is be with him and pray: that's that! I was pretty useless in that converstation too, we've been there done that.

"So this is what you ought to know. Don't belittling your own presence and contributions. It's your presence that's matter. Prayer ain't the least thing you can do; it's the most powerful thing you can do. Put your confidence in him and don't just say it. You must first believe it yourself so he may see and believe it."

Pretty much i just want her to realize that she's not useless and not weak. She's the most powerful source to him and she must know that. So in the end, the actions are the same- but the mental are different.

All people can pray but not all really believe it. All may struggle but not all believe that they'll successful. All may dress up, one is for covering their inferiority, the other one is for exposing their beauty. Prayer can be someone's last resort- or someone's first and ultimate weapon. You can be next to someone thinking "sadly this is the only thing i'm capable to give" or you can be next to someone knowing your presence can make a difference.

What's ur mentality when you pray, work and play? What is it that you believe and how so you see yourself and your problem. Do say something is "weak" or something is "meek"?

We may do things similarily. We work. We pray. We play. We wait. We rush. We minggle. We share. We believe. But are we really having the same thing after all?

x

hello, stranger!

2009-10-11T23:44:00.004+07:00

"i feel like a stranger in my own country; a tourist to be exact.
and maybe that's exactly why, i find beauty in the things that used to be common
funny how a sense of belonging must be learn in such way"

Maybe sometimes we ought to step back from our normal distance; whether it is in relationship or plan. A lot of times we think "let's just step forward so we can really see what's coming" which is a great attitude- and a must do. However, stepping back and re-analyzing the things in front can get you into a whole new perspective. When you decide to be a stranger (let's say tourist because it indicates the interest on finding the truth about the things we're seeing) at one single moment, you allow yourself to be more receptive on the new findings. when you become familiar; you cup is full. when you decide you don't know; you learn some more. and when you learn some more, you may fall in love all over again. and to (re)experience that, it's a 'deepening' that's happening.

Up and above. Down and below. Next, left, right and front. There is always more than just it.

x

short notes

2009-10-06T03:13:00.001+07:00

2005 January, I started my student life as an overseas student in Australia. Like a bird in the golden cage, I felt as if I finally reached the sky I was dreamt on. The open and wide sky where I fly high with my own might.
Then the journey started. The winds up high were a whole new level from the breeze you get when you’re inside your cage. You see world in a totally different way. To say it simple: you see more. Green grass, majestic mountains, other birds, thunders and lightning and so on. You feel….larger.

Yes, there were times when you’re tired and you want to rest your wings. Or when you’re wounded and failed to fly. It alls worth it, I think. It makes you stronger and wiser; and I would never trade it with anything ever.

Tho I often wondered. The sky always brilliant and wide, there is no end to it. As much as I love flying, wouldn’t it nice to come back to your nest where everything started? The joy is different – so is the challenge. Why can’t I have it all?

2009 October, I set my feet back to my golden cage. But is it really a ‘golden cage’? What I found was another giant sky. So wide and vast. Being there in foreign city sure does me good. But being back with the new me, that’s another brilliant story.

Who told me I couldn’t have it all? Surely I can; just a tiny adjustment from my own perspective of mind. All the days were fashioned for me, even before all of them were here just yet. I’m excited because I couldn’t help being excited.

I was young and reckless. And I still am.

Nothing is wasted. None. Never.

updates: my own october fest

2009-09-29T17:36:00.005+07:00

so what's been happening?? Bandung's sky is magnificent. Dark, when she supposed to be dark. Bright, when she feels like it. The rustic city smells like history where i found myself back to my childhood days. I had a blast. The first week i re-meet most of my close friends. Over a dinner or casual house-visit. Plenty of jokes and story-telling. Love it more, partly because i finally built my internal GPS to some level; do myself a favour and drive myself around. At 21, I fall in love again with this city. Fall in love again with myself...and all the stories i carry to this day.

My second week, i started working. Dang, where's my accounting book again? Feels like sorting my own mind to find those buried knowledge. Finally i reach the point "Ah, so that's what it really means! Ah! so that's what i've been learning!!" Business and its related stuff just bombard me like never. Ugh! so real...soooo exciting. Dare to dream more, love? They say if you live your life surrounded by successful people, you'll be more inspired and encouraged. So to say, how lucky am i!!!

as for my october fest:
3-6 Oct : Semarang Solo Jogya
9-11 Oct: Jakarta - the wedding
14-18 Oct: Malang Surabaya Makassar
20-23 Oct: Pekanbaru Batam

i'm tempted to learn graphology (psyhology for human's handwriting) too, when i'm not travelling.

Any say?
ps. i sad that i'd miss some of best pal's bdays thre in syd. save the party for me!!!

simple lovenote

2009-09-22T11:37:00.003+07:00

i miss the beaches...coogee, clovelly, bondi...
i miss the shopping hunt....glebe, city, newtown...
i miss the casual talk over dinner...cha for tea, wagaya, lowenbrau...
miss you all =D

off for BBQ-ing now.

MC Mong - Circus Ha-ha-ha-ha

Flowers..flowers...and more flowerss...

2009-09-13T14:51:00.005+07:00

"Tho i'm no rain, i bow in a beautiful way"

be still and know

|the ship of faith is kept afloat by stars above and fish below|

whirlwinds: "let the wind blows and i dance"

when casual turns critical

2009-09-13T14:31:00.006+07:00

As a compliment that Sydney finally reveals its blessed sunshine; i took the ride to Clovelly Beach after the wonderful church sermon. I thought of its breezy water that hopefully has turned into a warm cozy waters so i prepared my swimming clothes and all (snorkel!! snorkel!! huff huff!!). Tough luck, wind is as eager as the sunshine; i decided to stay back without testing the waters. Let the boys dig in! I'd just hang around with my sis and her new book: Critical Conversations.

The book speaks about critical conversation in our daily life. Like when we are in a discussion and things get nowhere; or where you have to tell someone their fault or when conversation just went dry and signalling a ackward silence. It usually when we deal with sensitive issue or controversial one. Not a big surprise, it happens because opinion varies; the stake is high and because we're an emotional being. It speaks on how we tend to avoid this (we hate it when casual turns into critical!), or jump into the problem but handle it poorly. It recommends that if we handle the critical discussion effectively, it'd benefit our business, relationship, even health (all research based; so it's tested through sampling). In particular about relationship, it gives example of a husband and wife that keeps arguing. Wifey want hubbie to come back home early but he's a job-junkie. At first both would compromise; perpective can be different. But eventually it would build up and they can start arguing more. In this case, the wifey gets sarcastic: "Yea, just keep working until you make the whole money in this world. You really need that, heh?". Then hubbie would start get irritated and instead of starting going home early, he'd prefer to stay late, so you get a boomerang effect. When things happen and you avoid it, eventually you'll fed up. You start to nag about that thing and your opponent would nag about your nagging. Or you'd start talking behind...et cetera.

At such situation, we should in our best position. But most of the time, we got caught up emotionally and be in our worst condition instead. Well, it's just a rambling of 1st chap i read- which is pretty common sense for me. But they put it into a good words and good grouping. My sis told me it gets practical later on. Like how you should excel those situations; eg like how to keep your conversation safe. The basic idea is to get people's opinion and put it into a pool. Not disagree-ing before listening to the whole story; or cutting people when they're talking (and put your own story instead). When you do so, they'd restrain and hold back their own idea/story. They're not likely to open yourself to you bla-bla-bla. Fundamentally, it just creating the bridge where we offer a win-win situation.

are we a good conversionalist?

US Open

2009-09-13T14:26:00.000+07:00

Granted, it’s reasonable! Tune in to Fox Sport all the time is certainly reasonable. “It’s the only channel you can understand regardless you speak the language or not”- as my non-english speaker pap claimed. Most of the time we ended up watching US Open.

Not a tennis junkie myself, I only recognize big names like Federer or Nadal. So far, Federer (rank 1) would fight against Djokovik (rank 4) in semi-final. Rank 2 Murray stumbled on the 3rd match while Nadal (rank 3) proceeds to semi final (against Del Potro).

I didn’t watch all the game but I happened to watched the match before quarter final: match between Nadal (rank 3) versus this young fella called Monfils (rank 13). The match took 2.48mins. Imagine the tremendous sweats!

Monfils or “rubber ball”- his nick according my pap; was an aggressive player. He moves real well; from one corner to another. Front and back; he’ll return your ball. He won first match with 7-6 and continuously losing the next 3 sets; giving Nadal his ticket to quarter-final. During the last set, my mom commented “He must be happy enough to meet Nadal”, pointing that Nadal is world-class player. And I thought “No. there is no way he went into this wide sea to just swimming around. See his spirit. Young and reckless; he’s here to conquer the ocean!”. He might be temperamental and he chanted to himself a lot (make him looks as if he’s angry or something). He made plenty of errors but I’m interested to see the progress he made in the next grand-slam. Anyway, it was a good game, with plenty of long rallies. During Nadal’s victory interview, he said “Yea, it’s amazing how the ball keeps returning to you. At one time, you thought ‘this is it’ but the ball keeps coming back”. It was a physical game; Monfils’ first win might be too expensive for him. “It was too physical…..But he surely would come back next year” a commentator said. Nadal played excellently too. More sense into his game, more patience, and great control. I’m glad he won the next round and I wish to see him against Federer in final (given both of them win the semifinal round).

Choices

2009-09-06T21:23:00.002+07:00

Choices...choices...doesn't it mean that we never run out of things?

don't worry. YOU ALL'D DO GREAT!

Jakarta City Blues - Indra Azis ~ a day hardwork of researching indonesian jazz and indie music....

the journey

2009-08-25T22:53:00.006+07:00

have you ever feel like you're the biggest idiot on earth?
or that you're a failure- a major disappointment?
have you ever told that you're not good enough; not try hard enough?
have you ever be in a position when you just want to kill those people who say "You'll be fine" when you scream inside "you don't know what it feels like"?
or do you ever be tired- just tired; to tell yourself to keep going; to tell yourself "I'm fine" and "Everything would be okay"

I think most people would say "Yea, BEEN THERE DONE THAT"

doubts. worries. lies. discouraging facts. those things were so close to me that i can feel them licking my very ears. and those saliva...yuck. thick and sticky. ok, it's gross but best described.

i don't know about you as our struggle would be different. Our response, our motive or visions are all different. They would connect at some point tho i believe.

i don't know about you but i found myself getting to know myself a little bit more. my character, my tendency, my dream, my vision. the direction that i'm going. the things that i lacking. and the things that i'd be happy doing. you know, there are so many ways out there. so many arguments and most of them are right. but to find out which one was meant for you...it could be tricky, couldn't it? in some point of your life, you'd stumble. your dream would seem like it's dead. it means the resurrection would come next. but do you have what it takes to stay until the day of resurrection comes? But will you make the changes? Count the cost? Have the patience? Last the distance?

what is it for you, that would make you win the race?

¹¹ Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. ¹² It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" ¹³ Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" ¹⁴ No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.| Deu 30 : 11-14

song for the day

Maliq & d'Essensials - Pilihanku dengan beribu cara-cara, kau selalu membuatku bahagia....

Challenge: Spot the Fake Smile

2009-08-19T19:27:00.002+07:00

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/

How did you go?

#why gather?

2009-08-15T23:38:00.002+07:00

"because if a burning coal is with other burning coals, it keeps burning. If kept alone, the fire dies down and goes cold" Biju Thampy

keep it simple, let's keep ourselves burning with such passion that would evaporates the troubled water. and keep close with another dancing fires....let's burn the city down!!!! BE passionate. and surround yourself with passionate people! let's burn the state!!

22 birds

2009-08-12T03:39:00.003+07:00

pointed at the wired antenna, "Look!"

they
are:
resting
mingling

content.

(26 June09; Coogee-Bondi Trip)